Well and truly scared

M1

I did not get a good report yesterday, it looks like I might be headed for open heart surgery, possibly even before Christmas. Specifically a pulmonary endarterectomy, which is a relatively rare procedure. Recovery will be similar to coronary artery bypass, no driving for six weeks. That's daunting when i live 13 miles from the closest grocery store and 30 miles from memory care, and my poor partner won't let anyone else even help her shower. Cardiology assessment is Monday and arteriogram shortly thereafter. if I'm not a surgical candidate, the prognosis is not good.

I would rally the troops, but who is there to rally? Even figuring out the pet care feels daunting.

gampiano

M1, I am so sorry to read this news. Can you connect with Elder Services in your area and arrange for Meals On Wheels? They were a life saver for me.

I am keeping you in my daily intentions .

Maureen

CindyBum

I am so sorry to hear this news, M1. I will be thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts that you're a good surgical candidate.

Caro_Lynne

So, so sorry M1. I too will keep you and your dear partner in my prayers. Maybe you can hire someone to take care of the furbabies, if that's available in your area or board them? I can only imagine what you must be going through. Please try to stay strong and know we are virtually here for you xo

White Crane

Dear M1, I am so, so sorry to hear this! You are and will be in my prayers for a complete recovery. Could you possibly go to an assisted living facility during your recovery? I worry about you being so isolated. Sending hugs.

Brenda

loveskitties

Prayers for your health and answers to all the issues you must deal with.

These are the times when we all wish this wasn't just a virtual friendship so that we could lend a helping hand.

Hugs and prayers in bunches.

Edited to add: Perhaps you could contact the vet you use to see if they know of any help you can get with the animals.

JeriLynn66

I’m sorry you’re going through all this. Keeping you and your loved ones in my prayers…

And if you can use the helping hands of a Retired RN raised on a dairy farm - I’m 2 hours south of Nashville..

Denise1847

Dear M1,

I am so very sorry. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I wish there was some way we can help you. Can you go into a rehab facility for the first 2 weeks (maybe insurance covers this). That would help you to get your strength back. Your partner is safe and in good hands with people who know how to take care of you.

Please rest in that fact and that you have to take care of yourself. I have to wonder whether your current health issues have come from the constant stress you have been under.

I will certainly be praying for you. Please keep us informed as much as you possibly can.

dayn2nite2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/67351/well-and-truly-scared

I hate saying it, but I hope you can get the surgery. It beats the alternative.

I don't even know if this will help but I am here with a broken leg in a 2nd floor apartment on a walker, so I had to use Rover.com to hire a dog-walker. They will also do drop-ins for your pet(s). That or the Wag app or perhaps your vet may have a list of people who can do pet-sitting. She's been coming daily for 3 weeks, we have another few weeks to go before I can put any weight on this leg.

I am sorry this is happening, it sure isn't a good time, but this is the time when you have to put your own oxygen mask on. Your partner will have to do without you for the time until your doctor can clear you for driving.

Are you in range for grocery delivery? I also wish I was close, I would help you in a minute.

Mint

M1 someone’s suggestion for maybe kenneling your pets for a period of time might be a good idea. This might be a crazy idea because I can’t remember what type of facility for sure that your partner is in. I know a lady who had to have surgery and her husband is blind and had some dementia and she actually just got them both admitted into the same nursing home until she was able to go home. You may have to self pay if you don’t qualify, but I have a feeling living on your own, you are going to qualify for some period of rehab.

Hope you qualify for the surgery and that it’s successful for you so you can get to feeling better. Looks like it has a pretty good success rate but know it’s scary, can definitely understand that

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻. Hope things work out for you.

M1

That's why i went ahead and posted, even though i don't have details yet- the moral support and the practical suggestions are a great help. yes, i will probably try to kennel the dog; the kitty and the chickens are pretty self-sufficient and lower maintenance. Don't know if our local Wal-Mart will deliver this far out but certainly on my list to find out, and absolutely will inquire about inpatient rehab (though the covid risk would be higher).

Day 2nite, it's good to hear from you, and I tend to agree, i want to be a candidate as the alternative sounds worse. So sorry about your leg.

The echo report described the valvular dysfunction as "torrential" which is not a very encouraging adjective. Fortunately my daughter can accompany on Monday, she's a pretty good second set of ears. We'll know more then.

Quilting brings calm

Lean on that daughter. Kenneling sounds like a great idea. In patient rehab does too - anything to put the stress on someone else and take it off you. I’m sorry your news isn’t great. I’m hope you are a candidate for surgery because that beats the alternative. It seems a whole bunch of us are down for the count for surgeries, cancer etc.

@dayn2nite2 - I wondered why we hadn’t seen comments from you on a while. What happened and how long before you recover?

ButterflyWings

M1 - you have one of the biggest hearts I have ever encountered, and I am claiming the absolute best outcome for your procedure and complete recovery, right here and now. It definitely must seem scary and I can't help wishing this was just not happening to you!

You have put such love and care into making sure your partner is safe and secure. She will be in good hands while you are getting the care that YOU need and deserve for this short but extremely important period of time. She would want you to focus on that. I feel sure of that from what I have heard of your special bond, lives, and love.

We are with you. As an MD, you know there are miracles and excellent science working together every day in your field. We are with you, friend.

jfkoc

It was good that you posted. We really do care about each other.

I too am sorry and like everyone else here to help as best as possile,

Do let your daughter help.

Get an agency lined up to live in if needed.

Consider moving in to town post op.

We will continue to post thoughts and will be better help when you have more info.

-Judith

Kibbee

M1 sending positive vibes for a go-ahead on the surgery and a great outcome to follow. You have been an important force on this forum, always ready to help with good information and on-target insights. You have been a most excellent caregiver for your partner, loving, loyal and always fighting for her to receive the best care possible. Now you need to take care of yourself so I hope you will be able to seek out all supports that are available to help you on your own health journey.

June45

Oh my, I can't even imagine. The surgery is scary enough in itself, but being seriously ill is also the nightmare of all caregivers. Prayers...

kasharb

Prayers for you - I can’t imagine another stressor like this on my plate. Give it to God, he will provide. Best of luck and keep us posted.

Lorita

MI, so sorry to hear the news. Hopefully, you will be a good candidate for surgery and recovery. I live about 15 miles from a grocery store and do get items shipped from WM - not delivery because this is too far. I can get anything I need except produce and dairy or frozen foods. Maybe Meals on Wheels can help. Sometimes they do have a waiting list but maybe it's available. For sure your vet can kennel your dog. As everyone else has said I'd be more than happy to help if I lived closeby. Take advantage of the help your daughter can give and any friends, too. Praying the best for you. Keep us posted.

Dio

M1, Hope all goes well and you’ll have a quick and smooth recovery. I’ll be looking for your updates.

Jeff86

So distressing to read your medical updates, M1. Having no medical background, I read up on your potential surgery and the condition that requires or warrants it—what a tough road. I am assuming you have confidence in your doctors and their diagnosis; else I would be suggesting a second opinion.

At the risk of stating the obvious, you need to focus on you. Your partner may not be showered while you are in recovery, but she will survive that. You’re right that you need to solve for animal care and for food/meals for yourself post-surgery. Get these issues addressed and you’ll be able to focus on getting through and past this health crisis.

Like others, I wish there were things I could do to help you through this. As it is, know I’m thinking of you, wishing you well, and sending healing thoughts to you.

ThisLife

M1< I hope you will be a candidate for surgery. My thoughts are with you.

Emily 123

So sorry to hear this M1. You're such a generous person, and you've had a heck of a 2023. I don't think I can add anything beyond echoing what others have said. I hope your assessments will go well. I'll be praying for you, and hoping to hear that you'll be a good candidate for surgery. What a good thing that you did move your wife to an MC that you're happier with. You can be more comfortable knowing she'll be in good hands, and focus on doing what you need to do. Bless you M1.

Iris L.

M1, I am so sorry to hear this! I hope you will be a good candidate for surgery. It's great that your daughter will be there for you. In-patient rehab sounds like the best option, I would think it would be mandatory after open heart surgery. Get all the help you can for your healing! We need more time to heal at our ages.

Iris

Jgirl57

Glad you will have your daughter with you. I am so very sorry to hear your health is not improving. One step at a time you will get through this.

GothicGremlin

M1, I'm so sorry to hear this news. I can only echo what others have said - it's great that your daughter is around, boarding your pets is a good idea, and please look after you.

Sending my best thoughts that you're a good candidate for this surgery.

Pat6177

I have to agree with the others that it is fortunate that your DW is in a good MC. I know it’s tough to be away from her. Just curious, have you tried doing a FaceTime call with her? Or does that confuse her? The MC staff would of course have to handle it but I’m sure there’s someone there that could help.

Put the word out to your friends and acquaintances and tell them to let others know that you are looking for help. Even if the friendship has gone by the wayside during your DW’s dementia, call them and ask if they know of anyone… People may not be able to cope with dementia but might be more than willing to drop off groceries once a week. Or someone may know someone who’s kid is home from college for the Xmas break and would love to make a little extra money feeding the animals or providing taxi services.

Hang in there this weekend. As we know, the waiting is torture. ((( )))

ImMaggieMae

I am so sorry to hear this news. This has been a rough year for you. I hope you’re a candidate for the surgery. Rehab care afterward sounds like the way to go given that you live so far out of town. Board or find care for the pets and try not to worry too much about your partner. She’s in a safe place and if she doesn’t get a bath for a couple of weeks it may make her unpopular, but it won’t kill her.

I’ll be praying for you. Just one more reason everyone on this forum should live in the same town!

ghphotog

M1, I am hoping for the best.

H

harshedbuzz

@M1

I am so sorry for all that you are dealing with.

HB

Joe C.

M1, I’m sorry to hear of your health conditions and hoping for the best outcome. Would it be possible to find a short term furnished rental in town so your not so isolated while you recoup, perhaps an even place that would allow pets. This would obviously come with cost but it might be something to consider. I know there are some hotels in my area such as Homeward Suites that are designed temporary workers who are in an area short term with a bedroom, living room & kitchenette and they often allow pets. I wish you the best and will keep you in my prayers. Keep us posted.

MN Chickadee

Sorry to hear this news. Sending positive vibes your way. The staff at MC will figure it out. I bet eventually they get your partner bathed in your absence. I would take a look at Rover for the animals; in my area people have good experiences with it. The sitters with high ratings tend to be legit and good at it. Many Rover providers care for the dogs in their own homes so you could probably find a long term place for your dog that way, maybe contact a few and see if you can negotiate a better rate since it's a long time. I have a feeling you could make an arrangement with someone that way. And perhaps a different person to stop and check on the cats and chickens occasionally. See if your county agency on aging has any resources for grocery delivery. Care.com also has people who do grocery delivery if no formal group will. Most dry goods can be purchased from Target or Amazon and shipped in the mail (I do this a lot just to save time at the store) so perhaps you may just need someone to get fresh items every week or two. What a lot on your plate right now as you worry about this massive procedure.