Hi Y’all I am new as of today

Diane~

Hello I wanted to say Hi. I am enjoying reading the posts. My DH has dementia. He is 17 years older than me. I just retired from teaching in June and we have 2 children a daughter 21 and a son 24. Luckily our son still wants to live at home. He is very helpful when I am away. I judge gymnastics and some meets are 3 days Friday through Sunday. I am able to come home at night so that is good.

DH wants to be with me all the time and is very loving and kind. I am very grateful for that 🩷

I sing in our church choir and play in our church bell choir so I am able to get together with friends that way and I pray a lot 🙏🏼

I get frustrated sometimes when DH doesn’t use the correct words or asks the same question multiple times. I have learned to write down all information so he can read the note instead of asking me. Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

My daughter and I took a week and went to the snow. That was a wonderful break from everything. My DH doesn’t like to be cold at all so we talked about it and he agreed he would rather be where it was warm at home. Our son needed him to take him to work and pick him up because he just had reconstructive shoulder surgery and isn’t allowed to drive yet so it all worked out.

I love to be out in my flower garden, walk, ride my bike, and do anything outside.

I just need a group of people to have someone to talk to. I am very thankful that you are here ❤️Thank you for reading this. Have a great day

Diane

Jeanne C.

Hi Diane and welcome. It sounds like you are pretty early in this journey. It also sounds like you're doing the right things - staying active and taking care of yourself while you're caring for your husband. I think that's awesome. Definitely take time to get your legal ducks in a row (see a certified elder law attorney) while your husband can offer input and sign documents - you'll need one of your adult children to be your designated POA as it's not something your husband will be able to do. Learn what you can about dementia so you can plan. And, just as importantly, enjoy time with your husband. Others on this forum have recommended taking that trip you always wanted to go on.

We're all here to share and connect...it's a great group of folks.

Best,

Jeanne

Marta

Welcome. I see your husband is still driving. With a diagnosis of dementia, you could be held responsible for any accident/injury/death that he is involved in. Insurance won’t cover him with a dementia diagnosis.

I'm sorry to break it to you. Please search the many posts about driving.

/STEVE

Something I saw about driving that makes sense to me. You do not tell somebody they can not drive, because they know they know how to drive. They need to be told they should not drive because they may kill somebody, and they are having trouble making decision fast enough to drive and so on.

Diane~

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/192012#Comment_192012

Thank you I will call my insurance.

Diane~

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/192014#Comment_192014

Thank you ❤️

Diane~

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/191999#Comment_191999

Hi Jeanne thank you for your kind words. We are planning a trip in the summer which will be nice. He likes to be warm. 🥰

M1

Welcome Diane. It does sound like you are still in early days. if you read a lot of threads you can learn a lot from this wise group about things that might come up later,and that will help you be prepared. The driving is a good example. If he's willing, formal driving assessments can be done that will objectively determine whether it's still safe or not-but eventually, certainly, it will not be.

jeannes advice is spot on. If you haven't addressed legal issues, do that while he still can. You need to have durable power of attorney for finances and healthcare, and your own documents need to specify someone besides him as your POA and executor. Now is also the time to think about how you might finance institutional care such as memory care if/when he might need it. A certified elder law attorney can address all of this.

His wanting to be with you all of the time is called shadowing. You provide the scaffolding that helps him continue to function, and he is very dependent upon it. It can become hard to deal with as the disease progresses; it's good that you have outlets that (for now) can help give you breaks. The isolating part of this disease comes when you may have to give some of that up in the future, but thinking about it ahead of time can help figure out the way forward. Your using notes for him to read is another good example: that may work for a while, but the day will inevitably come when notes won't work any more. I say that not to be critical or a doomsayer, but from experience.

Best to you, you have come to a good group. Sorry you have need of it.

rplourde50

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/67480/hi-y-all-i-am-new-as-of-today

Welcome.

I too am brand new here. My young wife 64 was diagnosed about a year. We are learning as much as we can and doing our best to enjoy this early stage time.

simplebender

Everyone is new at some time or another and with Alzheimer's it's almost a new day every day. Everyone is here to help....

http://simplebender.com/2023/09/27/joy-in-alzheimers/

Diane~

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/192012#Comment_192012

Hi Marta Thank you for this information. I called my insurance company and as long as he has his drivers license current he is covered.

M1

Diane, read many of the other threads about driving, and talk to his doctors. You don't want to be caught wrong-footed on this issue particularly. It's probably the toughest independence issue for most families.

JDancer

Diane, I see you like to ride your bike, as do I. When we're biking, we're at high risk of injury from cars.

As I've said before, if I was injured by an impaired driver (and I certainly consider dementia an impairment) I would sue for every last cent. I'm not a litigious person, but I would need to be paid for my injuries (if I survived) and lifetime care would be needed for my LOWD.

Please don't allow your LOWD to drive.

loveskitties

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/192519#Comment_192519

Being "legal and covered" will mean little if some innocent is killed or maimed in an accident which could have been prevented. Having a license does not make any of us a competent driver...particularly someone who is mentally challenged. It only means that the day we got the license we passed the tests, and perhaps have passed the once in a while eye test at DMV.

In my opinion, becoming mentally impaired for any reason, should cause mandatory reporting to DMV so that periodic re-testing is done to determine abilities to continue to have the privilege of driving.