Happy Holidays - are you doing ok?

Jeanne C.

This is the first Christmas after my husband's diagnosis. Last year at this time we were in crisis mode. We've come a long way since then. He's getting good care and I feel like I have a clue about how to manage this.

What has surprised me is how lonely I am this year. So I just wanted to say, if you're having a tough time, feel free to respond. We can support each other.

trottingalong

It’s nice you are in a better place this year vs. last. It’s myself and DH tomorrow. Doesn’t seem much like Christmas for me, and it is a lonely feeling. We don’t live near my daughters, grandchildren or my 93 year old mom. I miss celebrating the holidays, but DH just cannot travel. He functions well on a day to day basis, but is unwilling to travel. On a good note, tomorrow I will be FaceTiming with my daughters and grandchildren, which will be fun. I’ve been baking today and have my food prepped for our unconventional Xmas dinner of chicken enchiladas. Wishing you a nice Christmas.

fmb

I thought I was the only one feeling this way today. I have been crying nearly all day. DH was diagnosed with ALZ in October after a stroke in June and 6 hospitalizations in 4-1/2 mos. He is now in Stage 6. He also has congestive heart failure and is under hospice care. He went to live at a very good AL facility the day before Thanksgiving and is settling in. The past three days he seems to have taken a downturn and has added new symptoms. My emotions are running so high that I didn't dare go visit him today.

My support system, already very thin, has become even smaller very recently. My mother, who was caregiver for my father for over 7 years before he died from ALZ, has now developed ALZ and recently has taken a downturn. She appears to be in Stage 4 heading into 5. She lives 1000 miles away, but we had been talking on the phone nearly every evening. She has been an true source of advice and my rock during these hard times. My only other support person, a neighbor, thinks I should be able to simply rise above the loneliness and grief, and he gets very impatient with me. His mother has ALZ at about Stage 4 and is in MC. He brought her to his home to visit today. Even my therapist is on vacation until after Jan. 1. All of the local ALZ support groups meet at night, and I cannot drive at night. So here I sit, drowning handkerchiefs.

I do plan to visit DH tomorrow (Christmas). I realize that even if he is having a 'good' day (whatever that means), I will not have my need for true companionship met. I will put on a calm, peaceful face, try to go in with no expectations, and simply be there for him, holding his hand for what will be our last Christmas together on this earth.

Jeanne C.

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/192328#Comment_192328

I'm glad you'll have a virtual visit with your family. And chicken enchiladas sounds great! Merry Christmas.

Anna2022

Thank you for the thread, Jeanne C.!

We are in the last days of getting a diagnosis for my DH (although all the symptoms point to Alzheimer's) - we have the last scans scheduled for the coming week. Somehow, I am in a better place than I was last Christmas when I was still trying to figure out what was happening and I felt so very alone and scared. These days, although family is far away, I've been building a support system for both of us (neighbors, friends, therapist, this forum, financial advisor, lawyer, and now a placement advisor for the future). It feels better despite knowing what lies ahead.

Tonight we drove around the neighborhood and looked at all the Christmas lights. Tomorrow, we head to a neighbor's house for a late Christmas lunch. Life is more complex and scary than ever yet building simplicity during these holidays has helped a lot. Many thanks to all here on the forum who have posted and shared and walked the walk. You are my heroes.

Jeanne C.

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/192329#Comment_192329

You're definitely not alone in feeling down today. You've definitely had a lot on your plate. I wish I had an answer for you, but if nothing else, know that I'll keep you in mind. Try to find a little comfort tomorrow. I know it's hard. Sending you peace.

Jeanne C.

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/192331#Comment_192331

The Christmas lights are a great idea. I'll try that with my husband tomorrow. Merry Christmas.

darcytg

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/192329#Comment_192329

You're definately not the only one feeling this way.

May I suggest, if possible, when you visit and hold hands today, if there is any way to play " your " music and favorite songs, do it. Sing along and maybe your DH will, too.

Holding you in love and light. Peace.

M1

I always end up just being glad when it's over. Big lunch at MC today that worries me because of covid risk. Then to the airport to see off son and girlfriend, then home to an empty house. Hope everyone is holding up okay.

Jeanne C.

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/192368#Comment_192368

I'm glad you got to visit with family. Hang in there. I'm thinking of taking the decorations down later today. I just want to get things back to normal.

fmb

I want to thank everyone for the support and suggestions. Fortunately, I'm in a much better emotional state this morning. I just got back from briefly seeing DH at the AL facility. He has the stomach flu. So much for Christmas plans. Oh well, this, too, shall pass.

I do have alternate plans for the rest of the day. Working on a NICU baby quilt for donation to Project Linus, walking our local trail, and a DVD movie this evening. All of these are pleasurable activities and will be a good way to spend the day.

@M1 I hope you find a pleasant way to spend the day that will make the house seem a little less empty. I value your advice and insight in this forum.

@Jeanne C. I have learned to cherish the normal days even more than the special ones. I will be praying for 'normal' to return for both of us.

WIGO23

This is our first Christmas since my DH ALZ diagnosis. We tried traveling to our daughter’s for Thanksgiving and it caused my DH so much confusion, I am not sure if we should travel. We are alone this Christmas. I am particularly sad this year because the future seems likely to be a smaller and smaller world for both of us.

Jeanne C.

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/192389#Comment_192389

Smaller: that's a pretty accurate description. We tried a short trip (2 hours by car) to my sister's on Saturday. He started pacing and getting agitated almost immediately. We ended up staying less than an hour before heading back home. I had so been looking forward to some time with my family. Today I'm doing what I can to stay positive for him but honestly, today is just making me sad. Even with prompting and reminding, he doesn't get that it's a holiday. And that's fine. It's just a reminder of everything we've lost.

Tomorrow will be easier.