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JJPups

2parents/brain change

Hi SusanB-dil is so right. Our siblings (my husband's really, my in laws) do not realize the full scope of what it takes to walk with our parent through this change of life (for all of us).

They are great at 'surface' and 'optics', but honestly neither of the two in town can face what is happening.

the only thing for me that really diffuses my anger and potentially other ugly feelings is to accept 'the siblings' as they are. They aren't going to change for me, or on my time line, and maybe not in time to make any kind of meaningful connection with me and my husband for the future. A few days ago he said (I wonder if when this is all over, will we even want to see my siblings again)? It's a fair question as this point in time, but not worth thinking about.

I rely on this community to help me keep my head on straight and I protect my heart by not counting on others to meet me where reality is. I find people that do 'get it' and try to put my energy into relationships with them. Then I get the support I need.

Stay true to yourself, care for yourself, be your own best friend.

You are amazing,

J

bmar11

Hello. I am also having a hard time with my sibling. My brother lives in a different state. My parents are near me. My mom was just diagnosed with dementia/alzeimers and had a UTI, which caused a lot of delusional behavior. She was diagnosed in the hospital during the UTI treatment. We put her in an assisted living facility, but my father does not want to stay with her. He bought a new house and takes her back and forth, which I don’t think is such a great idea, but it is what it is. During the holidays, my mom admitted to me that she has to “act” around my father and my brother so that they don’t get upset about her having dementia, so I am the only one who really “sees” it. It has caused a lot of discord in our family and I am made to feel like I am overreacting. I have depression and it has really been exacerbated by all this.

At the present time, I am doing my best just to tolerate them and trying to put my feelings aside so I don’t “react” to them. I am the only one doing therapy and going to a support group. I guess I can just do for myself and let them worry about themselves, but easier said then done!

Sending hugs to all in this difficult position.

Mint

I understand your concern and deal with this a little bit myself. I don’t know that I have a lot of answers and just kind of commiserating with you. My sister and I take care of my mom we share it pretty equally. So that part is a little bit different than your situation.

My sister and I though have very different views on Covid. I have had to come to accept the fact that my sister is not going to change because of what I consider her paranoia. So like you, here where I live Covid, flu and RSV are increasing and if my mom gets sick it’ll be a difficult situation because my mother doesn’t accept medical care. So I do what only I can do, When I’m with my mom I wear my mask for two reasons I don’t want to carry anything into her and I don’t want to get anything from her. When I’m in crowds, I wear my mask also to try and protect myself from carrying any of these things into her, I personally believe in God, so I do the best that he has given me knowledge to know how and trust him for the things I can’t control.

I really understand your frustration since your family doesn’t help you, but yet they don’t care to expose your mother to things that’ll make it even harder for you. I would encourage you to protect yourself when you’re caring for them especially for the next two weeks or anytime when you know they have the possibility that they were exposed.. Guessing you could not count on those family members to step up and take care of the parents if they get sick that’ll probably be left for you to handle I’m guessing.