Eating.. or not

Malka

Hi,

My dad is 95. His appetite is becoming less and less. My problem is that his aide is determined for him to eat even when he says he doesn't want to. I was not a good eater when I was little, so as an adult I have a difficult time making him eat when he doesn't want to. I have told her repeatedly not to make him eat if he doesn't want to. I feel that it is more important for him to stay hydrated. I also now that this is the progression of the disease.

Has anyone else dealt with this problem?

Thanks,

M

fmb

@Malka

My DH is 92 and generally was a very good eater. I have noticed in retrospect that his food choices became more and more narrow as time went on over the past few years. He is in ALZ Stage 6 now and eats mostly carbohydrates, especially sweets. The craving for sweets is part of the disease. He has lost most of his sense of smell and with it, taste. In his case, inactivity has also reduced his appetite. He went from being very active to wheelchair bound in about three years. Now that he is on pureed foods due to swallowing problems (could be from his stroke or ALZ), he eats very little. He has begun losing weight, having lost 9 lbs. in the past month. The aides at his AL residence do not push him to eat any more than he wants to. The aides and I do try to make sure he stays reasonably hydrated, especially since he has a catheter and is prone to UTIs. He loves decaf coffee and fruit juice.

Marta

If the caregiver doesn’t follow your instructions, get a different caregiver.

mommyandme (m&m)

Have you called for a hospice evaluation? If not, your dads decreased appetite may be something important to consider on this journey. Regardless of the dementia stage your dad is in, he is dying. Making a dying patient eat when they’re not interested can be uncomfortable for the patient. If he’s transitioning to an end of life stage, his organs may be shutting down a bit, and forcing food into a system that doesn’t work normally is often painful. The aid needs to stop forcing. Just offering yummy options throughout the day should be sufficient. If he eats here and there, great. If not, let him be comfortable at least. As caregivers, comfort for our loved one is a top priority. Just my opinions.

Im so very sorry.

DCCEPEK

It is part of the process

Malka

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/192891#Comment_192891

Easier said than done. There is a dearth of live in aides and she is a very hard worker and really cares for him. She worked for his neighbor for 15 years and now my dad for the past two. I am not quick to fire anyone unless they are hurting him or are stealing.

JJPups

When I worked in nursing homes, this is often when Ensure shakes were used. I wonder if that would meet both the caregivers goal of making sure he is receiving nutrition and your goal of hydration. I'm not a nurse, just a suggestion of maybe something to explore.

terei

I agree with Marta. The aide should be following your wishes. Your father is at the end of his life. In your place, I would offer food + if he declines, that would be the end of it. ‘Nutrition’ at this point is not something I would worry about.

H1235

Maybe explain you feel it’s a quality of life thing. If he doesn’t want to eat you don’t want to make him miserable by pushing food on him. That approach may help her understand your reasoning.

irene912

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/67594/eating-or-not

Well, your dad needs nutrition. Main thing is, is he losing weight? If so, he needs calories. If he gets sick, he'll need the energy to fight off sickness. Hard to force it though, unless she feeds him? The body can affect the heart muscle if not enough body muscle. But it is part of the process for sure. Wish you the best.

wctraynor

My mom only wants to eat fruit and some crunchy vegetables but if she only wants chips or cookies for a meal, I figure she is dying, why not give her what she wants to eat. She loves hot chocolate so her Ensure chocolate flavor with a couple tiny marshmallows fits the bill. My dad (Progressive Supranuclear Palsy) went through this in his last year, and ended up satisfied with odd things like baked potatoes for breakfast or olive garden breadsticks and Alfredo sauce for dinner. At least he got to choose his comforts up to the end.