desperate to help uncooperative mom

micheleintx

My mom is living in a different state alone. Over the past year she has let her life and responsibilities unravel. She has harrassed the banks to where they close her account, forgets to pay bills and now is delusional and hallucinates about a man living in her apartment. She calls the police over and over. I called Alzheimer's Association hotline and they suggested that i call 911. That did not get her help as she was convincing that she is not a harm to herself. She has lost her license and credit card "its stolen" and refuses to go to her doctor and refuses to go to DMV. All her funds are in a bank that won't allow her to access without an ID. I go to see her in person in 2 days. I fear she will end up evicted and on the streets even though the local police and social workers have been contacted and visit her. I have contacted her PCP and made an appointment. My mom says she will not go and she "knows her body". The PCP is aware of all of her behaviors and has a long list narrated by me. She also is not eating and had mentioned visiting the doctor to check for electrolytes (at least another reason that I thought she would accept), but she is furious I would even mention it. I called the doctor back telling her I do not think I can physically get mom into the office. The do not do zoom calls either. I feel like everything I am trying, gets nowhere since mom is not cooperating and just wants to pull the covers over her head and not accept help.

Marta

What is your legal status with respect to Mom? Do you hold her POA for financial and medical matters? If not, who does?

If no one has her POA, there is very little that can be done long distance, until there is a crisis.

H1235

Doctors and hospital will not treat unless the person is a harm to them self or others. Unfortunately doctors just believe them when they say they are not. System is messed up. We have a son with mental health issues and filed a petition for evaluation with a judge. In the petition we listed examples of what had been happening. The judge approved it and police brought him to the hospital for evaluation. The hospital seemed to take things a bit more seriously with a judge involved. I would recommend documenting everything!!! Keep a journal or calendar with everything recorded. Guardianship may be necessary, I believe it can take a while. There is also something called adult proactive services. I would see if they can help. Again I wouldn’t expect it to be quick. I feel for you.

Adresch

I’m starting down this same road. I have a trust in place and my mom hasn’t quite progressed to this level but people at the bank are enabling her and this weekend helped her to open a different account. She’s lost her license and is still driving. Has stopped talking to me and I’m the only family. Her friends just think her memory is “bad” but I have letters from her doctors
I can’t shake the feeling that I’m doing something wrong

Adresch

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/193648#Comment_193648

I do hold her poa for financial and medical

JeriLynn66

@micheleintx Are you able to make a visit for an in person assessment of your Mom and situation?