Sleep Pattern

ClarkEb

Spouse sleep pattern has changed, I’m guessing that’s normal. We are somewhere past moderate dementia diagnosed 2 years ago. She will usually go to bed between 8 and 9. Sleep seems ok, with occasionally getting up once or twice in the early hours, however, she will sleep until 11-12 in the morning. It’s about 50/50 if she gets up on her own or i will open curtains, make a little noise if it gets to around 1200. Unsure if is should let her sleep. Any thoughts? Thank you

Ed1937

Hi Clark. It's pretty normal for pwd to sleep for long periods of time. Unless there is a reason to wake her, I'd just let her sleep. I know that's a lot of sleep, but there are others who sleep more than that.

Belle

Just this week I posted how my DH has started sleeping more...10 hours at night then a two hour nap. I'm just letting him sleep as much as he wants. Selfishly it's easier for me to get things done around the house if he's asleep so it works to my advantage. But I would guess he's mentally exhausted from trying to use a brain that isn't working how it should which means the extra rest is needed.

Cecil Jones

I agree with Ed and Belle, I'd let her sleep. My wife goes to bed between 4:30 and 6:00pm and will get up when I do, usually around 5:00am. No matter how quietly I try to be, I still wake her. After reading what others go through with their love one's not sleeping, I feel very lucky (for now)?

LaneyG

Agreed! Let her sleep. My husband insists on going to bed right after dinner. He sleeps like a log for 12 to 15 hours a night only getting up to go to bathroom. I like to tell myself that it is God’s way of giving me time to think and decompress, and check in with all of you. Downside is that he gets mad if I don’t accompany him. I tell myself I be will just get up one he drifts off, but I seldom do. I just chill.

BobHat

Extended sleep just started recently. Today about 16 hours. I don't leave the house because of her mobility issues if she gets up. I don't know what to do with myself while she sleeps. Today at dinner, she said that she had something to tell me. She said, "I'm dying" and started to cry. We ended up in bed holding each other until she went to sleep. Damn this is hard.

Peggymay45'

Aw, that is so hard BobHat...

I'm wondering about sleep too. My DH sleeps 12-15 hours a night, only getting up with encouragement. If we are home, he wants to be in bed to sleep/rest another 6-8 hours.

Neurologist recently started antidepressant, thinking his desire to be in bed is depression. He is in MS Alz- has had steep decline in last 4-5 months, and confusion more often. I don't know what to expect....

LaneyG

It is so heartbreaking! I find myself thinking that in the same way we all say that no one knows what it’s like until you’ve been through this type of caregiving, is there a way we can truly understand what it is like knowing your mind and life are going….

charley0419

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/193856#Comment_193856

This illness is heartbreaking, my wife just said to me “ I’m not the same person” broke my heart

BobHat

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/193886#Comment_193886

Yea, my wife will often tell me she loves me and then starts crying.

Denise1847

My DH just started sleeping 10 - 12 hours/day and then dozes throughout the day. I let him sleep as he is at peace. If I were him, I would just want to sleep rather than struggle with the difficulties. Does this mean he is moving to stage 6 ?

ClarkEb

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/193805#Comment_193805

Last sentence is interesting.. thank you. I to feel selfish trying to plan todo list around sleep pattern.

ClarkEb

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/193856#Comment_193856

When she goes to bed early, i think, “okay now i can get something’s done”. But i guess it is the relief that the day is over that drains my enthusiasm…

ClarkEb

Thank you, everyone for their thoughts and comments. They help put the puzzle pieces in some kind of order. And relieve some of my anxiety. It is an amazing adventure.

BPS

There has been times my wife has slept 34 hours except for me waking her to have something to eat and drink and take her medications. This is not normal for her but sleeping 15 or 16 hours is fairly common. as long as she is getting food and drink and medication I usually let her sleep because she is not happy when she is awake.

ButterflyWings

Every time I've read a post like this through the years, I have thought "I wish!" My DH has been h3ck on wheels since this horrid disease showed up, with me literally not having a moment to myself. His energy level, rummaging, constant exit seeking, and more made it more than the 36 hour day we are told to expect. So I often thought "what I wouldn't give for 10-12 hours of him sleeping and me getting some peace and quiet while he is safe".

But I also know it is heart breaking and distressing to have clear signs of our LOs decline, like sleeping most of the day in earlier stages must feel to you all. The biggest (only?) blessing of dementia in our situation is DH's anosognosia. He is totally unaware of his impairment so while that made it much harder for me to keep him out of trouble and the exhaustion factor has brought me nearly to my knees daily for years -- at least he was not sad or anxious about it as some of your LOs are. Bless them. I'm sorry for them and us all.

DH has slowed down significantly in the last 3-6 months as the end draws near and the worst issue with that is the risk of skin breakdown/bedsores which can happen quickly if they don't change position periodically now that he also is suddenly sleeping more. Wishing us all the best in dealing with the worst disease ever.

michiganpat

My husband sleeps 11-12 hours a night with naps during the day. This has been his normal for 3 years. He is 6 years in with some sort of FTD.

ClarkEb

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/193961#Comment_193961

God bless you!

theSprotector

I read this discussion with interest because my spouse, diagnosed about two years ago with mild to moderate dementia, seems to be doing really well when he’s awake (with rare exceptions). He retired (professor) and for now is home alone. I work. Over the last few months, his sleep pattern is staying up till 11 to midnight reading or watching TV (although dozing off and on) then coming to bed, then sleeping till often 11 -12 the next morning. I feel so alone. I don’t know if this is normal, if he’s withdrawing and it’s an emotional thing, or how to make this any better if I can. Thoughts? thank you.

M1

Welcome to the forum Sprotector. You may get more responses if you start a new discussion, by the way.

To answer your question though, I think all of us who lose our spouses to dementia end up feeling very alone, and it's probably more than the sleep pattern. My partner never really withdrew from me emotionally, but she certainly did from other people, shunning old friends and even some family members. Because she has anosognosia (she thinks she's fine and never did/still doesn't perceive her deficits), she did not understand how our relationship changed and how much I ended up having to be the caregiver and not an equal partner any more.

Is there a difference on weekends, on days when you're not getting up for work? That might give you some clues or ideas about ways you can still connect.

MarieES

I'm new to the group, but my mom has shown signs of memory loss for over 10 years. She started sleeping about 14 hours and I have to wake her up to eat lunch. It concerned me, but after she had a mild stroke, her neurologist told me she needed extra sleep. He said it was normal for dementia and stroke patients. I've noticed days when she doesn't sleep well, she usually doesn't want to cooperate, and is agitated and confused more than usual. I look forward to sharing and receiving helpful information from those who have advice.