horny

l7pla1w2

This is extremely awkward and uncomfortable for me to write about, but here goes. We've been married for 47 years, and we're in our 70's. In more recent years, sexual relations were minimal, and that didn't bother me particularly. I think the same was true for DW. About a year ago, DW suddenly stated that she was horny. Since then we've probably had sex more often than almost any time in our marriage. She says she wishes we made love more often, but she doesn't remember that we did the night before. I mention that and joke, "I guess it was really memorable," and we both laugh.

I suspect this is not unique to me/us. How common is it for a PWD to express an increased interest in sex? Is it because of increased sexual interest, or reduced inhibitions, or need of intimacy? All of the above?

wizmo

Sexual disinhibition is a thing with dementia. My DW went through it briefly around mid stage 5 and only lasted a few months. Now into stage 6 she is modest to the point she sometimes resists help from a strange man (me) with dressing and bathing.

LaneyG

DH every day tells me he wants sex, (and a baby..we are 70,74.) When I approach him he just laughs and pushes me away acting bashfull. I think he is stage 4 almost 5.

ButterflyWings

@l7pla1w2 Don't feel embarrassed here. You can be sure many forum mates have experienced any and every issue that may arise on this dementia journey. I love your subject line. Yes, I recall those days maybe late in Stage 4?.

It is called "hypersexuality" and yes, it is fairly common. Sometimes really problematic requiring medication. Glen Campbell's wife discussed it in the documentary they did of his life when they took his Alzheimer's diagnosis public (and on a final musical tour). Take care of yourself and follow your own needs, since unfortunately our PWD LOs' judgement is hijacked due to their failing brains.

I consider myself lucky that DH did not spend a lot of time in this phase of disease progression. I was able to sidestep and redirect, distract and avoid it being too big of an issue for the weeks that he wisecracked, asked constantly, was a bit handsy, etc. trying to wake me up at bizarre times for adventure, for example. It just wasn't even remotely what we had previously shared, and that made me miss him and us even more -- all while not wanting to encourage him in his new ultra-amorous quest. Which he couldn't quite pull off anyway by then. What a terrible disease. Luckily he still exhibited much of his regular nature as a true gentleman and did not demand, insist, or make a huge issue of it. He gave up without seeming hurt or rejected and I am really glad of that.

Here is some more information, and you can search on the topic in this forum using related terms. Lots of posts will turn up. I hope this subsides soon, without too much stress to you both.

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/sexuality/changes-intimacy-and-sexuality-alzheimers-disease

Joe C.

My DW went through a similar interest in sex around stage 5 but it passed. She also wanted a baby and would tell friend’s & family members that she wanted to have a baby but I didn’t.😊

l7pla1w2

Thanks all. ButterflyWings, the only reason I felt comfortable bringing up the topic at all is that I know this discussion group is a safe space, for which I am immensely thankful.

tryingtodurvive

My DH went through this stage. I countered the constant advances by telling him I’d love to but it was too painful. Luckily he’s obsessed with my happiness and that seemed to squash the situation. It now has mostly passed thank goodness.

Palmetto Peg

My DH is in that stage right now. He is pretty persistent, and then does appear to be hurt when I say no. He can't actually have sex, but wants to "please me". It is definitely annoying, but I know it will pass. I just remind him that I am old, too, and can't be intimate too often or it is painful, and that seems to be enough for a short while. Of course, he forgets what I said, but that is our life now. The best thing about this forum is that no topic is too sensitive. This disease manifests itself in many ways, and everyone here has seen things they never would have imagined would become something they had to deal with. The comfort of knowing that others share these problems is worth so much!

CindyBum

I have nothing to add, other than I've been chuckling about the thread title and love how this group can safely bring up so many topics about this journey.

bonkey

DH is still in this phase as I have talked about, and I feel so guilty; I think why not just go ahead, but the thought is too much. Not wanting sex and having it makes me feel dirty, we had a great sex life for 40 years but now the things he says and his grabbiness are such turn- offs. I tell him I'm tired from taking care of ev, laundry, cooking, cleaning, his incontinence, and he laughs and says "what's more important than this" and points to his crotch. I had a therapist who told me to just close my eyes and do it----i just can't.

Katielu

We are there now. DH can’t quite finish what he starts, but I tell him after an attempt, later in the day, “ that was wonderful, so nice to be close to you like that” and it is. He’ll ask if I was “ satisfied “ and I tell him absolutely, and make a big deal of it. That holds him for a while. When he asks again when we can do that( acting like it’s been a long time, and sometimes it has) I tease him and tell him we just did that! But we’ ll get to it again soon. He does well with lots of hugs and hand holding. He doesn’t remember when we did or didn’t. I can get us buy on once every 4 - 6 weeks.

it makes me sad, I am 60, he is 73. This is not the life I imagined for us. But he is not the man I married anymore and taking care of all his other needs has me putting this particular need on the back burner.

So happy to have this place of friendship and understanding.

Ed1937

@bonkey "I had a therapist who told me to just close my eyes and do it----i just can't." I should probably know more about women than I do, but was this therapist a man or a woman? I just can't imagine a woman saying that to you. Maybe I'm wrong. Does he/she actually think this would help you? If this wasn't bothering you, your therapist wouldn't even have known about it.

bonkey

It was a woman and needless to say I stopped therapy with her. She also suggested doing what a patient of hers in the same situation did - dress up as a belly dancer and dance for him to appease him.

Ed1937

@bonkey I think you made a good decision.

bonkey

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/199686#Comment_199686

Thank you for that:)

SSHarkey

Oh my! I’m a retired counselor and I’m disgusted with the “therapy” you received! Inexcusable!

bonkey

Yeah, I don't think I would feel as guilty as I do and have since ( 1 1/2 years ago) if she'd said something different. I think of her saying that every time I say no...