Newbie

JaneG60

Hello folks, I am 64. The man of my life (62) had started showing memory short term memory loss over the last 9/10 months . Both his parents suffered from a dementia at the time of their passing. He finally noticed enough that he agreed to get tested we’re just starting with the GP short term, memory test.After the test , he was trying to find reasons why he didn’t think it was true even though he’s noticing himself being short term forgetful. Hopefully I explained it well enough to him in saying that if we start now that maybe we can add better quality of life for a longer period of time He is the main breadwinner. He’s all worried about that and that’s the least of my worries. It is a
concern, of course, but making sure that he is happy and healthy as he can be is a priority right now . This man has done everything for me . And it’s time for me to return the
favor . My husband is a 40+ year OTR semi driver (excellent driver , only 3 accidents no deaths & none his fault ). That is his safe place at this time . He has high blood pressure but will not agree to meds cause he fears his DOT health Permit would be revoked ( at this time a Dr note on file is sufficient for DOT approval along with control medications. )Any ideas how to convince him of that ?

Jeanne C.

Hi and welcome. I'm sorry you and your husband are going through this.

First thing to do is learn about getting a diagnosis. Look up anosognosia. Basically, some people with dementia can't comprehend that they have an issue. Getting him to go to the doctor, take meds, etc., can be challenging. One thing I suggest is focusing on ruling out other possibilities. There are many things that can have dementia-like symptoms. And many of them are reversible if treated quickly.

Also high up on the list, making sure your legal ducks are in a row. Seeing a certified elder law attorney (CELA) is important so that you can care for him and to protect yourself. If he has dementia you will eventually need to be his power of attorney. And he cannot be yours.

I have to admit I'm concerned about the driving. It sounds like he's early stages and doesn't yet have a diagnosis. He may be fine for now. But, it needs to be monitored. This may sound harsh, but he's literally behind the wheel of a huge weapon. If he has dementia, his reasoning, reaction time, and decision making ability will decline.

I've been collecting some resources and helpful posts. Maybe some of this will help if your husband does get diagnosed with dementia: https://alzconnected.org/group/32-new-caregiver-help

Good luck and take care.

M1

Welcome to the forum. He could easily be developing vascular dementia if his blood pressure is not controlled. this may not be what you want to hear, but you need to prepare to get him off the road sooner rather than later. I would push the GP for a prompt diagnosis, so that he can file for short and then long-term disability as soon as possible. Find out when his commercial license is up for renewal. This is a huge deal for his job and everyone's safety.

Ed1937

Hello Jane. Welcome aboard, although I wish you didn't need the forum. You have two excellent replies above. If he doesn't want to go for testing, you might be able to talk him into going by telling him there are many conditions that can be treated and reversed if done in time.

One of the hardest things you will have to do is to get him to stop driving because it is a big part of his life. But this is something you will have to do. It may be best to have someone else, like a doctor, tell him he has to give up the keys. That way you can come across as someone who is on his side, and not the bad person trying to stop him from driving. The sooner you can do this, the better. Like Jeanne said, he is driving a lethal weapon that could wipe out a family in a hurry. He may be an excellent driver -- until he's not. One accident could cost you everything you have, and as his caregiver, you could also be charged for not taking action to get him off the road. This could be the hardest part of the dementia experience for you, and one of the most important.

Seeing a CELA is something you don't want to wait to do. If you wait, it could cost you thousands of dollars. A CELA could also suggest he stop driving (if they will), and explain why it is necessary. You should have the first discussions with a CELA by yourself or with another person (family member?) other than your husband accompanying you. Then you can express all concerns you might have without throwing your husband under the bus.

Chammer

There is a podcast and Facebook page by the same name called Lewy Body Roller Coaster. I'm not suggesting your DH has Lewy Body dementia but the podcast was started by a gentleman who was a long haul truck driver. He was eventually diagnosed w Lewy Body dementia and he shares in detail the symptoms that happened while he was driving in particular that led to eventual diagnosis. It might be of interest to you and possibly your DH since they are both truck drivers.

It is a very eye opening and heart stopping telling from someone who is diagnosed w LBD about the actual manifestations of the disease for anyone who wants to better understand what a LO is experiencing.