Pets and PWD - To get one, or not
This thread is made for the opinion of others, so please post your opinions. It is really in response to another thread.
@LaneyG Denise makes the point that if you have never had a dog, it is not a good idea to get one now. While her point may be valid, I think it is very possible to successfully bring one into your family. This, of course, is only my opinion. But you need to know what you're getting into. First you should know if you would want a small lap dog or a larger dog. Then forget about getting a puppy. They are a handful that you don't need. Then look for personality traits in the breed you might consider. Google is your friend here.
A few Cons about getting a dog:
- Do you have a fenced in yard? Your dog will have to go out several times a day.
- Some dogs need a lot of exercise, and need to be walked daily. Some can get by with a yard.
- Some breeds need training more than others. Some don't really need much at all.
- Your LO might hurt the dog, either intentionally or unintentionally.
- Any dog can bite under the right circumstances.
A few Pros about getting a dog:
- A dog can become a beloved family member.
- Your LO can become very attached to a dog, and really enjoy having one.
- A dog can make you and your LO feel your life is worth living.
- Dogs are almost always very loyal to their owners.
- Dogs can relieve stress, big time.
- There is a reason for the saying "Dogs are a man's best friend".
Those are just a few remarks. If you are interested in getting a dog, you might try finding one from a private owner (or not) who will take the dog back if it doesn't work out. We had two German Shepherds who began fighting, and had to be completely separated. I was more concerned with their safety than my own, and I was bit twice trying to break them up.. We had to give one away. A woman came to meet her (our dog), and she loved the dog, but she never had one, and had a threeish year old baby. She was concerned, but the dog loved people, and especially kids. I told her I felt strongly that there would not be a problem, and if she wanted to try it for a few days, I would take her back if she was still concerned about the kid's safety. She had the dog for about 2 years before the dog passed away, and she kept in touch with us, even sending a Christmas card with a pic of "Princess" wearing a Santa hat.
Another option: Get a cat. They are much easier to care for since they pretty much take care of themselves. If you decide to get a pet, that can make a huge difference in the life of your LO. And that can make things easier for you. Again, just my opinion.
Comments
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I agree with the pro's, but I would also speak to the negatives. My partner is a lifelong animal lover and we have had mutliples (dogs, cats, chickens, wildlife). This became an obsession for her as her disease progressed, and became almost uncontrollable--she wanted to feed them multiple times a day but couldn't remember that she'd done it, and would not take no for an answer. I had to hide the pet food and the truck keys, because she was always wanting to drive to the store to buy more. Then she would also feed them inappropriate things--such as giving birdseed and chicken feed to the cats. She would wander downstairs in the dark at 2 am to feed them, posing an additional fall hazard. So i would say that unless the caregiver is prepared to take on all the responsibility, it can have significant negatives as well. To this day in MC, when my partner sundowns, she asks where her animals are and insists she has to leave to take care of them.
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My DW and I are starting to get the concern if we get a new pet it will outlive us. Don't want to bring something into the family then have it abandoned, despite the fact it would bring us much joy.
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If you do get a dog, make sure you know the history of the dog. Some have been abused or have come from a puppy mill. They are scared and stressed and require a great deal of patience. Go on Petfinder or Adopt-a-Pet and look at dogs who are being rehomed by their owner. Please know that I don't mean that everyone should not adopt a puppy mill dog. On the contrary, I would encourage anyone who has the experience and patience would do a great service to the dogs. Also, dogs who are fostered will already be more adaptive to a new environment and foster can tell you about the dog's behavior.
If fact, I am looking for a new fur baby and would only consider dogs who have been rescued. We just lost our dog a couple of weeks ago and we cannot bear not hearing paws tapping across the floor, walks and cuddling.
Also, beware when you lose them the grief will overcome you.
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@rplourde50 , we are older, too and were concerned about outliving pets. Two and a half years ago, shortly after DH's diagnosis, our remaining senior cat died. A month or so later, we adopted a new pair of seniors from our city shelter (aka the pound). They are the best things in our lives and I can't imagine living through this without them. It is much harder for older pets, cats or dogs, to get adopted. Saving one of these lives, even though it won't be for as long, might be worth considering. Our two are grateful every day, as were the previous two we adopted.
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Adding to what others have said.
You can't always predict how a PWD will interact with a pet going forward as the disease progresses. Three of the four PWD I knew reacted in ways I would not have predicted.
My sweet auntie's MCF had a toy poodle therapy dog who she adored; the pup looked just like one she'd had when I was a kid. He adored her as well and consistently favored her over other residents.
My friend's mother who was Oma to all the kids and doted on pets her entire life, started harassing my friend's cats. She would chase them and yell at them in German. Their home was large enough that the kitties could avoid her upstairs and would hang with my friend once mom was tucked in for the night. She was upset the cats wouldn't come to her, so my friend got mom a Joy for All cat which was seemed to solve the problem.
My nasty aunt remained devoted to her Siamese cats but then she always preferred them to people.
It was the same with my dad. He was not a pleasant individual and had quite a temper but was reliably kind to his cat and mine. He never participated in pet care so we didn't have to worry about him feeding one. That said, there was that one time he had too much to drink and bought a puppy off some randos at the town's annual pig race and brought it home. That didn't work out, but mom was able to rehome him to the vet tech.
After mom's cat and dad passed, she adopted a senior cat from a friend of my niece's who was moving to Hawaii. It's been great. A friend of mine adopted a senior cat from a shelter that offered free veterinary care for those who take older pets into their homes. Often these are sweet animals who outlived their humans.
HB
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We love our dog, and she is a great and important companion to DW. I think she is a helpful focus for DW.
Another con, to add to others, is, if you have a medical emergency that requires you to be away from home for an extended period, the dog is one more thing to worry about. The dog needs to go out, to walk, to eat. And dogs can be people-centered, so need companionship. You need to have arrangements in place to cover the dog's care.
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My DH loved our cat, but as his Alz progressed, he started yelling at the cat and even hit him once. Our cat’s heart was broken because he was never treated badly by his “dad.” I felt so bad for the cat. In my situation - I would never get another animal - DH is just too unpredictable. But, that’s just our situation. I love animals and would have dogs and cats if we were younger and healthy!
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I would also add that a dog or cat can become a tripping/fall hazard as the PWD becomes less steady on their feet. When our last cat died 18 mos. ago, I opted to not get another one due to DH's balance problems and frequent falls.
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You can never predict what a PWD will do and for that reason alone I feel bringing in a pet is not a good idea.
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We've always had pets but now both of our dogs are seniors and I will not be replacing them. In the past 6 months my DH has fed a dog so much fatty people food (I was not aware he was doing this) that the dog got hepatitis and pancreatitis and we've spent thousands on vet bills for that. He double medicated the one dog by giving them meds literally 10 minutes after I had medicated the dog and told him I did it (lesson learned by me). He's locked the dogs outside and forgotten them on multiple occasions including in the garage in the middle of summer after I went to bed for the night. Now I have to make sure I have the dogs locked in the bedroom with me. I didn't expect any of that to happen and each incident caught me by surprise and resulted in me taking over another task that we used to share. So as much as a dog lover as I am I'm saying no more pets in our home.
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Three years ago my daughter got a puppy from a rescue place for me for my birthday. I wasn’t sure if I would have the time nor the patience for a puppy. My dh had a fit! Complaining about the time I spent with her and not him. Basically he was jealous! Fast forward 4 months and you would have thought she was his dog! He smiled more, spent time rubbing her petting her! Now 3 years later he still smiles at her (which is something he seldom does) will get up out of his chair to give her a treat, she watches him like a hawk, it’s like she knows he’s not doing well now. She will sit in the floor close by but not in his way. If I’m in the kitchen and he starts moving around in his chair she will come get me so I can check on him. Have no idea what breed nor do I care,she is a loving little girl and I don’t know what either of us would do with out her. If anything should happen to us my daughter will take her home to her house (and her other 3 dogs).
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I have volunteered at local shelters. Many shelters do foster to adopt. There are wonderful older dogs that need homes. We only adopt older dogs now because of our age, they are the best.
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I like everything mayor Ed says, except this, that cats pretty much take care of themselves. I have four cats and they need quite a lot of attention. In fact, I feel somewhat bad because all of my cats have had medical issues that I was late in recognizing, because I was not attentive. My cat Simon had a stoke and became blind. I didn't think he would make it but he is still here and doing fairly well, considering his age of nineteen years, which is ninety-two in human years. But I had to give him very close twenty-four hour attention witg his twice daily medications and physical therapy, to get him to this level. Also spent thousands of dollars at the animal clinic. Care for four cats tires me out, but I am in for the duration. Even though my cats are trip hazards.
I think any caregiver who gets a new pet should be prepared to accept full responsibility and care for the animal.
Iris
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I can’t imagine living without a pet. Our German shepherd has been a lifeline for my DH. He does forget to take her out or feed her. But that’s ok. I know that, so I take care of those things. I think it really depends on the individuals and their abilities.
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We've always had dogs and cats - several at a time - and my partner couldn't be without at least a couple cats. I do most of the actual work but they love her best. We have a complicated dog right now and that does not go particularly well sometimes because she doesn't read the dog's communication and doesn't understand how her actions contribute to the dog's issues.
We just lost our yorkie, who was the perfect dementia doggy. I'm not planning to get another dog until my partner is safely in memory care and I can get a younger, active dog for me.
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We have a 11 year active medium size dog. We love him and he has added to our lives getting us out and talking with neighbors, etc.
Like all pets they need daily care. Feeding, vet care, grooming, and taking them out requires time. Oh yes, coyotes are everywhere and we never let him out alone. My DH is excessive with feeding and extras from table food. Our dog has required numerous vet visits because food allergies and indigestion from too much food. It has caused me so much frustration. When my DH is sleeping or busy, our dog is near me and very loving. Also, if we are away for several hours, arrangements have to be made for someone to take the dog out, or feed him.
We had 3 cats with the last passing last year. All lived to 20. Most cats have long life span. My DH would get up 2 times during night to feed them and up early am. My DH was so sleep deprived for years. I have allergies to cats so that was another problem.
My DH often brings up wanting another dog, or cat. I have told him it’s not fair to a pet because they would outlive us. There is no way I would get another pet with my DH dementia.
Maybe you could pet set for other owners. Most dog owners would love to have a pet setter to take their homes.
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Emma was a difficult puppy, and my DW swore she would be the last puppy. Fortunately, Emma matured and is now a great therapy dog. DW always had dogs, since she was a child. As her AD progressed, she lost interest in the dog, which was one indication of how she was no longer herself.
at one point, in stage six, my DW approached the stairs on her own. Emma blocked her from going downstairs, and barked to let me know of the situational danger.
I don’t know how I’d live without a dog. But I’m not sure I’d introduce a new dog into a home with a PWD.
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This has actually turned into a pretty good thread. If anyone was thinking about getting a dog or car, now they have the needed information to make the choice. Just remember if you get one, it's your responsibility. Is there enough love coming back to make it worth it? Maybe, maybe not.
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Love the picture of Emma Jeff. I remember when she did that. So darn smart. So is Riley! He knows how to open doors, a dubious skill that has caused me much bafflement. If they’re locked he’ll scratch the heck out of them.
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Well. I decided I needed the love and got these two adorable sibling kitties. They have mostly been the best decision I made, except when I feel like it's the worst decision I made when I have to answer my DWs multiple times an hour anxiety questions about where the kitties are. 😏 But when I see them both sleeping on her or I get to snuggle with them...good, good stuff.
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Love these photos, everyone! When my DH was diagnosed, we decided to get a dog. I wanted one for him (He’d been wanting one for a long time.) And he wanted one for me (To have a companion after he was gone.) Having Sugar has been a huge blessing to us both. I did wonder how my DH would react with her as he progressed, but so far, so good. Let’s face it, we really don’t know how our spouse will react in the future. I can only say that for me, she has been my loving companion when I’ve needed it.
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Beautiful animals! Keep the pictures coming. Here is my Josey Rose. Best dog I ever had.
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Love your photo
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Here’s our girl, best dog for us.
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Trotting, that's my kind of dog. Here is Suzy, just over 4 months old. But I am no longer a caregiver, so I can handle a puppy. But she is a handful.
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There are so many different Rescue organizations. I have Rescues. We promised we would contact the Rescue organization if they needed new home(s) for any reason.
My mentor knows LOTS of Rescue people. It is like an invisible network of people caring for pets. I believe there are some groups that will take in pets that have outlived their owners. Some groups do an excellent job of knowing the activity level, obedience level, and will help you get the correct match.
Your Vet may know a Rescue person. They might be able to help you. My first adopted dog was taken to the vet by her owner & told to just put her down why the human found what her health issue was. The vet called someone & the community of Rescues started communicating. She was 3 and lived almost to 17. The tin can on a string network can work wonders!
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This did turn into a great thread Ed. Keep the photos coming!!
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Our sweet Max keeps us moving for sure.
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I found this little gal at our local shelter. Some rescue organizations thought we were old! She is the best decision even though rough spots for sure. My DH tells her he loves her first thing every morning.
Gigi
BTW she flunked graduation.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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