Candor vs Burdening

southerngal41

My mom is in the moderate stage but seems to be declining a little more rapidly now. I live in a different state so my dad is the primary caretaker and I visit when I can which is monthly. I'm already grieving the loss of who she was and our relationship. I'm worried one day I'll visit and she won't recognize me. I've made a conscious decision to not take the remaining time for granted and try to express my affection more. Should I tell her my worries and why I'm wanting to make our time left special or would that worsen the situation? I'm having a tough time with it right now.

Marta

You can discuss your issues here, but I would spare your Mom.

M1

Agree, i think it would burden her. This is part of the terrible loss, you can't really share your grief with them. I choke back my tears most days.

psg712

Agree. Even if you decide to share your thoughts and feelings, you may find that your LO is no longer able to understand or empathize. A reaction of confusion and frustration, or even an apathetic lack of reaction, might be harder for you to handle than keeping your feelings to yourself around her. Spill it to another family member, a trusted friend, or the folks here on this board who DO understand the pain.

southerngal41

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/200838#Comment_200838

Thank you all for the responses! Good point, psg712. I hadn't thought of it from that angle. I live alone, work independently, and my dad won't openly discuss it much. I finally came here and am thankful I did.

2parents/brain change

My husband is 'clearing and cleaning out' his Dad's life long business. He put his own life on hold to do this task. Relocated and left his own path in retirement to straighten out Dad's mess. He went to visit Dad last week in MC and was so disappointed Dad had no empathy for him. I reminded him Empathy is beyond Dad's abilities now.

I just love coming here because it helps me keep my head on straight!

Thanks ALL!