Bathing/changing clothes

bobbyboy

Mom won't take showers or change her clothes unless I get very forceful. Her care givers don't push her and i worry she will get infections. I live 4 hours away and have been able tk keep mom at home with 3 sets of caregivers coming over every day

harshedbuzz

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you have found this place.

Resistance to hygiene is very common in late-stage dementia. How often is she showering? And what does being "forceful" look like? Do you have to travel to make this happen or is it something you can do over the phone?

What isn't working? Many folks swear by the Teepa Snow YouTube videos around showering— she's kind of the dementia-whisperer. Some strategies suggested to us were getting the PWD cleaned straight out of bed; if any time elapsed, they'd insist they'd already showered. Sometimes a bath is more readily accepted, especially if you pre-heat the room and create a spa-like experience. Bribery works for some— often a first shower then treat gets the job done.

Are her caregivers specialists in dementia care? I know when we used the agency aides, most were not even when they bragged about lots of dementia experience. My dad was highly resistant to hygiene care even from my mom, but we found the caregivers in the MCF were able to get him showered without incident. A friend who moved her mom in with her found that 2 of her caregivers were more successful at making this happen than she ever was. Sometimes using a handheld shower and uncovering/washing one area at a time works. And if worse comes to worse a sponge bath and dry shampoo can help.

While it's lovely you've been able to keep mom in her own home, this kind of arrangement makes it difficult to act as her POA, advocate and make sure care is being delivered as promised. Is there some reason you didn't move her in with you or to a MCF?
HB

Jeanne C.

Showering my husband was a challenge. I finally got to a good place with it by being matter of fact (I'm going to warm up the water, let's take off your socks, etc. ) and just plowing ahead. But it was still stressful. He has a CNA who comes twice a week now and she gets him showered and dressed in 15-20 minutes with no fuss. That leaves me to just quickly handle as -needed cleanups. Clearly the CNA is an expert, but I also think it's because my husband thinks of her as the nurse when gives him a shower. There's a certain level of authority there. Maybe you could arrange a CNA for your mom just for showering a few times a week?