Are some PWD calm?

M5M

As DH moves down the Alz pathway, he has been calm throughout. We are now in Stage 5 I imagine, although he is still continent and mobile although wobbly of course. His MMSE yesterday was 17. He has always been an introvert and not a social person. I wonder if some get through the whole process without the overwhelming outbursts/anger/violence that seem to be discussed here? Or, is it still likely to show up in the future?

jfkoc

Yes. The posters here are caregivers facing difficulties. They are probably a small percentage of caregivers actually in the public

M5M

Thank you. I do read posts daily as I learn so much here. I tend to "prepare for the worst and pray for the best." It is important to me to remember what you stated….."a small percentage" experienced these drastic outbursts and other behavior. Hopefully some others will recount their stories where maybe the course was less traumatic, for reassurance that each PWD is indeed different….

wizmo

Yes, in our conversations with neurologist he said typical course is towards calm, passive, docile, sedentary. Agitation happens but not with most patients. Visit any memory care facility and you will probably never see much more activity than wandering. In my big city of Phoenix there are over 200 communities offering memory care in general and around 5 that specialize in behaviors including agitation.

harshedbuzz

My aunt remained her good-natured self the entire time. My friend's mom was the feisty (mostly snark) with more people as her social filters faded but she was never difficult.

My dad had difficult behaviors; he'd always had a challenging personality so it wasn't unexpected. That said, in the last months of his life he became very warm and sweet.

HB

subversivevegan

It could be that those that express "difficult" behaviors have other health issues, too. My LO has lung cancer and significant bone on bone in her spine. That would make anyone cranky.

terei

My mom was mostly calm but could become agitated when forced to shower. Was never violent .

terei

Cecil Jones

My wife is a little over 3 years diagnosed with what the Dr said was Text Book Alzheimer's. She had signs of memory problems 8 years ago. She has never been mean, angry, yelling, crying or any of the terrible things others have gone through. I call myself lucky…i also know it's not over yet!

Iris L.

My impression, based on the posts from members and from my own experience, is that agitation comes after being overly stimulated. I know I get irritated and agitated when too much is going on around me. That's why I work to maintain a calm, steady, pleasant environment. Groundhog Day is my aim.

Iris

M5M

Yes Iris I also try to keep everything calm. And the side benefit for me is my day goes better. I am learning to move at the slowest possible pace whereas I used to be going dawn till dusk.

jsps139_

We kept my Mom (Alzheimers) for the last 4 1/2 years of her life. She very rarely got aggravated and I must admit, I probably provoked her at those rare times when she did. I was so exhausted with the 24/7 care. (I wish I had a do-over with her now that I have learned so much about Alzheimer’s and caregiving.) We could always make her laugh, and she had a great sense of humor all the way until the end. In her earlier stages, her doctor asked her if she knew who the president was and she said, “yes.” He asked, “who is he?” She said, “The guy in the White House.” I miss her!
Now, my DH is totally different. He has always been so easy going, so I thought he would be like my Mom. Nope, he has angry outbursts and says horrible things to me. I can’t tell you how many times he told me to get my stuff and GET OUT! But the Seroquel has really helped although I think it is getting to be time for 2 a day instead of 1 a day.
Alzheimer’s is not predictable - you never know what behaviors they will exhibit.

M1

I think it varies by innate personality but also by what parts of the brain are affected. Unpredictable who will be agitated and who will not, and at what point in the illness.

LJCHR

M5M-your description sounds like my DH. He is late stage 4 with several stage 5 behaviors. A couple of months ago he was angry at me for a week. He has never shown anger in the 15 years we’ve been married. Since then he is back to being the kind man I know.
I agree with M1 about personality and the part of the brain affected.

Dio

I think it has to do with the type of dementia. Alzheimer's Disease tends to be more steady/gradual and the outbursts and agitation come later. Lewy Body Dementia and Frontotemporal Dementia are more erratic and violent outbursts can hit during any stage without warning. I don't know if this site keeps older posts but I've shared my horror-filled journey before. Nothing prepared me for this. Nothing.

concerned_sister

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/206259#Comment_206259

I wonder if that's in part due to relationship dynamics. I wonder about male ego playing a role. I hope the future brings back the brighter parts of his personality.

Pat6177

M5M, your description applies to my DH including the wobbliness. When my DH was diagnosed in mid 2020, the neuropsych said that he wasn’t likely to have a personality change if he hadn’t had a change yet. He was I think in early Stage 4 at the time of diagnosis. He has recently been a little irritated with me because I managed to get PT to come to the house. He just wants to be left alone. Other than that, he’s amenable, always grateful and kind. I’m hoping this stays the same but I understand that there are no guarantees in this disease.

Vitruvius

A woman a my wife's MCF recently passed away two months short of her 100th birthday. She definitely had dementia, but she was the happiest, pleasantest, most upbeat person I have ever met. Her daughter said she was like this throughout her long path with dementia.

My DW is nearing the very end of her heartbreaking journey. She was never violent or aggressive. There were certainly times when she became very confused and agitated which caused her to be somewhat resistant to redirection, a bit oppositional perhaps, but never violent or mean. As noted by others, this is undoubtedly due to the specific nature of her dementia, Semantic Dementia.

ImMaggieMae

My DH is in late stage 6 FTD/Alz and has never been violent or aggressive. He lives at home. He has been very agitated in the middle stages until medications were prescribed, and in the past year has experienced sundowning on most days. He is up and down, unable to sit still. His neurologist prescribed medications that help calm him. I often make small changes dosages by the day. Aside from 5 or 6 hours of sundowning, he is calm. The key is to not under or over medicate.

M5M

It is good to see these "encouraging" posts. Hopefully newer posters will see the journey can possibly be more reasonable than some we read about. Thanks to all who chimed in.

ThisLife

For three years we cared for DFIL after DMIL passed. He was calm and happy. The PCP commented that if dementia had to be his fate he hoped he was like dad. This state was not dad's personality prior to dementia, and he had anosognosia. So agitated and angry is not a forgone conclusion.

I think there are more posts about these types of behaviors because they are so life impacting for LO and care partner and present significant safety issues. Care partners need to know immediate actions they can take as a stop gap while these situations are sorted out which takes time. Frank acknowledgement of this dementia reality is very much needed.

SSHarkey

So true, ThisLife! My SIL has frontal lobe damage and she became a completely different person. My husband, however, is sinking quietly into that good night. No personality changes at all.

dfandrews

Good morning. I'm new to this whole thing. Just signed up this morning in fact so please forgive me if I inadvertently break any rules. My DW of 57 years is, I guess, in the middle stages of the disease (alz). I recognized early-on how very fortunate I am that she's not the mean version of the patient. She's very childlike and becoming more so each day. I do pretty much everything for her from the time I get her up in the morning to putting her to bed at night. All this made more difficult by a total knee replacement in March. (BTW if I had to do it over again I would not! The effects of the surgery had a huge negative impact on her Alzheimer's).

I'm getting more exhausted and looking for relief. I'd settle for a place where I can drop her off for a couple of hours when needed but so far haven't been able to find such a place that I can afford and is nearby. I'm planning on attending a local meeting next month and maybe get some help and advice from those more experienced than me.

M1

welcome to the forum dfandrews. No particular rules—you may get more responses though if you start a new discussion. Glad your wife is relatively easy to care for—but even the "easiest" can be exhausting, as you are experiencing, and you definitely need breaks. You might call you local Alzheimer's Chapter and/or Council on Aging to see if you are eligibl;e for any assistance or grants that might help you afford day care.

You have joined a good group, but I'm sorry you have reason to need it.