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Just need to scream

HangingIn
HangingIn Member Posts: 27
10 Comments 25 Care Reactions First Anniversary 5 Likes
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Tonight DH went up to bed and came down again almost immediately to complain that "someone" kept messing with the shades in the bedroom and he wished they would stop. I reminded him that the only people who go into that room are him and me. It's true that sometimes, if he hasn't raised the shades in the morning I will do it or I'll draw them at night, but I'm pretty sure I didn't do any of that today. He looked doubtful and I said that I could guarantee that nobody is sneaking into the house to mess with his head by playing with the shades (which made him chuckle).

It's a little thing, and I know it's the disease causing his suspicions, and usually this sort of thing doesn't bother me much, but I swear sometimes I just want to scream. (I don't.)

Comments

  • SSHarkey
    SSHarkey Member Posts: 298
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Care Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments
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    Funny how when it’s late and we’re exhausted, we are so easily set off by the smallest things. I get it. Happens to me, too. And I step back and think and wonder why in the world I let something like that get to me when everything else is so much worse.

  • trottingalong
    trottingalong Member Posts: 433
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Likes 100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Care Reactions
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    I completely understand. My DH has focused on a blanket on our bed. Almost nightly he asks, where it came from, if it’s an electric blanket and why is it on our bed. I’m tired, trying to go to sleep, and he starts asking about the blanket. Deep breaths and I remind myself to act like it’s the first time I have heard this question, since in his mind, it’s the first time he has asked it.

  • charley0419
    charley0419 Member Posts: 372
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    all I can say is count to 5,suck it up and never correct , argue or accuse

  • Windsock
    Windsock Member Posts: 25
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Insightfuls Reactions 5 Likes
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    Good morning. I can sure relate! Just as we turn off the lights I kiss my DW and hardly 30 seconds later she asks, “Don’t we kiss anymore.” Sometimes I reach over and kiss her again and sometimes I say, “ we just did, Babe” and give her a squeeze. I’m tired but try to think of what might be ahead. Such as, “ Who are you and why are you in my bed?”

  • jfkoc
    jfkoc Member Posts: 3,896
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    Your husband lives in a different reality. You have to go where he is.

    It is important to validate his emotions. Trying to explain goes no where.

    Example….."oh no, someone is messing with the shades again…how annoying"

    All of that said, it takes tike to learn this new approach but once learned it will make living with dementia much easier.

  • Gig Harbor
    Gig Harbor Member Posts: 567
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Insightfuls Reactions 25 Likes
    Member

    I have heard others say that they replied “ you stay here and I will tell them to leave and never come back.” They proceeded to go into the other room and yell at the “visitor “ to leave and never come back again and it worked to calm their loved one.

  • sandwichone123
    sandwichone123 Member Posts: 775
    500 Comments 100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Likes Third Anniversary
    Member

    My go-to response is, "I hate it when that happens." That lets me agree with dh's emotion without having to address the truth of his concern. Your mileage may vary.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more