Another MC Question

M1

After a year in her second facility, my partner is both more settled and more progressed in her disease. She is having more sensory processing issues—sounds and sights don't make a lot of sense to her and she misinterprets. A lifelong introvert, she is also in the noisiest part of the complex—a room right outside the nurses' station, where a lot of people tend to congregate, and also right where most of the music events happen. She shies away from these. Even meals are loud, I've noticed, with constant music playing and aides talking to each other. But: it's a pretty room with a nice view over the back garden, and—of course—she's more or less used to it now.

But at a care conference last week, we discussed whether she would be happier in a quieter area with less foot traffic and less noise. We have an opportunity to make a room switch and it's scheduled for tomorrow. Has anyone else done this, switched rooms within a facility? I'm glad to have the opportunity to maybe improve some things but also worried about her getting disoriented…..and unintended consequences. And frankly I'm just tired, period. Tired of having to think this way and always be on guard...

Jez975

opt of the quieter.

ghphotog

Sounds like it would be a good idea. Maybe a bit more peaceful for her.

jfkoc

50/50 crap shoot…is anything going to make things much better???????

yes, it is exhausting

Caro_Lynne

No experience with this however when LO was in MC after his vascular stroke, his room was at the end of the hall farthest away from nurse's station and common area, he would wander aimlessly during the day. There was this one lady that would always walk into his room, during the day, and sleep on his bed. He is also an introvert and loner like myself and your LO.

IMHO I don't see the benefit of uprooting her from what she is used to. Is there a way you could take her to the other room during your next visit to assess her reaction, of course without telling he why since she probably will not understand. Just a thought. Tough call.

hiya

I have no experience with this but with your description of DW, feel it’s 50/50. One advantage of being by the nurses station is they have eyes on her regularly. I know this doesn’t help but just something to consider. You can’t make a wrong choice, both options are viable. Good luck.

Sweetwater

My LO had mobility issues and when he was first placed in MC, he was in a room farthest from the common area and dining room. A closer room became available and he was moved to it. He was stage 6 and the move caused no problems at all.

Jazzma

I'm sorry you're faced with another maybe-significant decision to keep your wife as comfortable as possible. You obviously care for her very much. It's exhausting. Wishing you peace after whichever decision you make, as much as possible.

Quilting brings calm

we moved Mom from a two bedroomapartment to a one bedroom in the AL in March. Financial reasons for her. She seems to have adjusted ok. However she occasionally ends up at the old apartment because she’s forgotten she moved.

GothicGremlin

I don't know ….

I think if it were me, I wouldn't do it. Peggy was really sensitive to noise and "too many people" - where too many people = about 3. She wouldn't eat in the dining room because it was too loud, and in stage 6 she wouldn't participate in activities. On the other hand, her room was a place of refuge for her. All of her things were there, and oddly, she'd notice if something wasn't there. She was attached to that room.

Your partner doesn't seem like she's that attached, but there is that familiarity. If you move her to another room, is she going to feel compelled to pack up and go? It seems like that behavior was just starting to calm down.

I hear you about always being "on call". It's exhausting.

clarinetist

My DH just had to be moved after he and another resident got into a fistfight. His new room is on the other side of the facility (to keep him and the other resident apart). It looks just like his old room, but now he has to get used to new staff and new residents (the two sides are mostly separate). His initial transition to memory care was rough, and this change has been hard on him too.

Dio

M1, each person is different. When my husband was having problem with his roommate, the facility moved his roommate and kept my husband in place as a private room, although facility could get more money as it is intended to be a shared room. They felt that my husband was already used to the room and had declared it as "his room." Moving him would disorient him. In your wife's case, experts may say that socializing, stimulation with music, etc. is good. It had a terrible effect on my husband. Anyhow, we just don't know if moving your wife will help. I suppose you won't know until you've tried. Hoping you'll find a good solution.

M1

I think you’re right, it’s a crapshoot. We’ve committed to trying it, so we’ll see. There are some potential upsides- in addition to being more out of the traffic and music flow, it’s right by the plant room and little aviary that she likes, and it’s also where the resident cat hangs out. She has also taken an irrational dislike to the head nurse on the unit we’re leaving. But- I’m sure I’ll find out the unintended consequences too. 🤷🏻‍♂️

sandwichone123

My spouse just got moved to a higher level of care, so a different building in the same facility. They considered moving him near the nurses station because he is so social, but I pushed to have him much farther away from the common areas because noise, especially the noise of activities or religious services, bothers him.

The move was hard on him for about two weeks, but he loves his new space now, and the patio he has from his room (although the room itself is tiny).

White Crane

M1, I just now saw your thread. I really hope the move works and is good for her. Sometimes it’s hard to know what to do. My DH’s room is away from the common area. At first I was worried that he would be too isolated but now it seems to be his refuge. Sometimes he just doesn’t like to be around the noise. He goes to his room and sits in his recliner and seems content. Please let us know how it goes.

Rocky2

M1, I suppose experience has taught most of us that nothing is guaranteed to work exactly as we plan or hope. That said, I would think the move is worth a try. I always wanted to know that I had done the best I could for my DW. Many times the outcome was good. Sometimes, not so much. Your instincts are good. I wish you both success and a measure of peace.

Tom

wose

Thinking of you and your DW today and hoping the move goes well.

ButterflyWings

@M1 Hoping for the best with this move. It does seem like a good idea to minimize the noise now that she is having more trouble identifying sounds. DH was constantly confused for a time in early stage 6, when he mis-identified outside traffic noise (and some street construction projects made it a real nightmare).

It did not "upset" him per se, but constantly drew his attention and he was always asking "what's that?" Then would sometimes make up his own story about who and what was happening. A few times daily for months, he would try to exit our home to see what the problem was. Stressful for us both.

As everyone says, you never know - and if the staff plus you are thinking it is worth a try, I would go for it, too.

HollyBerry

When the noise started bothering my mom, she closed her door all the time, which put her in the "out of sight, out of mind" category for staff. I think she would have welcomed a room change, especially if it came with something she enjoyed, like a better view or the sound of the birds.

Ed1937

@M1, I remember one time when you told me I was between a rock and a hard place. It seems you are now there. Sometimes there are just no good answers.

I would encourage you to ask yourself if the noise where she is now is really bothering her that much, or do you think it might just be your perception because of her history? If she has settled down where leaving is not constantly on her mind, ask yourself if the move would be worth the risk of dealing with this as intensely as you have before? I'm certainly not trying to influence your decision. Just giving you food for thought. You know better than anyone else. Whatever you decide, I wish the best for both of you.

M1

well a preliminary report: she is thrilled with the move! Seemed to understand the reasons, agreed that quieter was better, loved the location, went off without a hitch. Very similar layout to the other room (mirror image) and certain things already better: for instance, mattress is lower and easier for her to transfer (I didn’t even realize this was an issue until now). Currently taking a nap and seemingly not disturbed at all. Whew. Let’s hope it continues…and thanks as always for the support….

Rocky2

M1, Thanks for the update. I so glad that this move has shown to be a good choice, at least so far. Lets hope it's good in the coming days too.

Tom

Ed1937

That's great! Too bad every decision we have to make doesn't work as well.

GothicGremlin

This is fantastic news!!!!

harshedbuzz

That's wonderful.

White Crane

thanks for the update. I am so glad it’s going well!

wose

Yay!!! Good news is the best💜

Dio

👏👏

SSHarkey

Wonderful report! Keep us updated! I’m relieved for you both!

Hope5757

I’m so happy for the positive outcome. But I’m so sorry that such seemingly easy decisions are so difficult.

LaneyG

Thinking of you and your partner M1. So happy it’s working out. It was a tough call for sure. Shows you can trust your instincts.