What is wrong with me? (Rhetorical question)

Belle

Some days I wonder if I'm going to get though this with my sanity. Yesterday I actually booked a plane ticket and made reservations to travel somewhere by myself and then within a few hours came to my senses and cancelled the trip. I haven't left DH alone for more than 4 hours since March 2023 when I went to Asia for 10 days and came home to discover he hadn't showered the entire time I was gone. He ended up with cellulitis and on IV antibiotics.

Yesterday after booking the trip (a very, very short domestic one) I went upstairs to do laundry and asked DH to feed the dogs. He did feed them but forgot to give the dogs the medications they take with their meals. It was at that point I snapped back to reality and decided there is no way I can travel. He can't take care of himself or the dogs on his own. He's still a bit too 'with it' to accept an in-house caregiver or respite care somewhere although I can see a point in the future where that will be needed.

I guess my point of this post is that I wonder some days if I'm going to have a complete breakdown before this is over. He's early stage 5 (probably) and has very little executive functioning capability. I know I can't leave him for days on end but for a very brief time I somehow thought I could and have some sort of normal life. Not sure why I was thinking I could go somewhere?

M1

Don't beat yourself up Belle. He clearly requires supervision, but you are letting him dictate who provides it. I did that too for as long as i possibly could-i think most of us do that. But at some point, for your own sanity, you have to take this "choice" away from your loved one and get the help that You need so that you both don't succumb to this disease. LaneyG has a similar post this morning.

Rather than cancel your trip, can you hire someone to stay with him? Just throwing it out there. My partner would have refused such a scenario also.

TyroneSlothrop

I have taken two or three out-of-town trips since the AD has become the rule. I asked for help from DW’s friends, and they came to sleep over and stay with her here at home. This worked okay, and had the bonus of sharing my travails. I recommend it.
Tyrone

Lkrielow99

I’m exactly where you are. My DH is definitely started stage 5. Last year I took a girls weekend and for the most part things went ok. Now I’m faced with this year’s annual girls weekend and I know there will be some hiccups. He would never accept home care, as he is anosognosia. He doesn’t cook, he doesn’t smoke, he doesn’t wander, he doesn’t do much. But, I have two dogs I will have to watch along with him on the cameras. Support groups have told me to not go, but I don’t think they understand my loneliness and fantasies of running away. I think this is a hard choice and one that will need some creativity to pull off. More cameras, more AirTags, call his friends to go over and visit him, put my dogs in the kennel, etc. I can set alarms at night that will send me notifications. I need to escape the Twilight Zone before it draws me into the abyss. I feel if I don’t take this weekend, I may act out my fantasy of running away. I love everyone’s post here and have so far been able to navigate these waters with great advice. I wish you well and a big hug, you’re not alone and you’re in the right place. Come back often.

trottingalong

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/209689#Comment_209689

I’m where you are. Unfortunately I have reached the point that I can’t leave DH for more than a few hours. I hope it works out that you can go on your girls weekend.

brs

Oh gosh, this really hits home for me too. My son asked me about going together to an antique sale/event two hours away in a couple of weeks. I explained to him how my DH is unable to care for himself & the two dogs for me to have a full day outing. I do have a Dr appointment scheduled for DH this week where I hope to have in home care recommendations for a couple of times per week. I've slowly begun having a couple of hours outing by myself each week for a couple of months and this had been helpful. I'm very thankful for the insightful suggestions I've seen here, a day at a time ❤

Lkrielow99

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/209690#Comment_209690

I know I will be at that point soon. This is a marathon and not a sprint, I need this weekend in sanity land. I hope it goes well too. Thanks!

HollyBerry

Me, too. I should occasionally travel for work and I had to tell my boss I just can't, and why. I miss those 3 day conferences in an expensive city with a generous per diem... ha!

Her sister has offered to come stay so i can get away, but that comes with its own issues. Last year I got to go canoe camping with my brother's family. This year I'm planning a stay cation while she's here because it's more hassle than it's worth to leave her in charge of the house and the animals as well as my partner.

And, related - last night I rode my horse with friends and stayed around afterward to have a beverage and watch the moon. I got home at 10:15 - an hour past bedtime!! You would have thought I was a 14-year-old who had been smoking cigarettes on the street corner, by the reaction I got when I came home, even after a text conversation at 9pm about where I was and when I'd be back. We used to do this all the time (ride at sunset and hang out after) but she has no memory of it and I rarely go out in the evening. Need to do that more often, I guess, to normalize it again while I can.

Belle

Whew! Glad I'm not alone with this issue. My original plan was to put the dogs in the kennel but one of our dogs now has medical needs that a kennel can't handle so I can't board her. And since DH can't handle it either (forgetting meds, locking dogs outside in hot or freezing weather) I am stuck at home for a while longer.

I will need to go somewhere in the next 6 months or so both for my sanity and to use up an airline credit that expires this year. Hopefully I can have a plan in place for him by then.

concerned_sister

My son worked at a vet's that housed pets over night. You might want to check with your local vet hospital if they do overnight kenneling.