New here, need advice

KCunningham

Hello everyone,
Im new here. I was recommended this site after I posted for help on reddit.
My mother is going to be diagnosed tomorrow with Alzheimer's. I've seen the signs in her for a while now, but have been putting off the inevitable. Alzheimer's runs in our family. Her mother passed from it, her brother is starting to show signs, and she lost her sister this February after a long battle with it. I know what the disease does, I've watched it from afar. I hoped and prayed she would avoid this, but that's not the case.
My mom has slowly been losing her memory. At first, it was small things, and every once in a while. But now I find myself repeating the same answer day after day. She forgot how to use the remote for her TV. She thought someone had stolen her debit card and cancelled it and tried to close her bank account. She can't drive because she forgets road rules and forgets to put the car in park.
I don't have much support either, I'm an only child, and my dad is a wounded veteran. We don't have much contact with my moms' side of the family either. She has a home health aid, but for only four hours a week. And what she can do is very limited.
I'm really scared. I can't stand the thought of slowly losing the person I love most in this world. And I'm really worried for her. I don't want her to be afraid and depressed. I just want her to be OK.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

M1

Welcome to the forum, you have indeed come to a good place for advice and support, there are many very experienced and compassionate caregivers here and we all know the heartaches.

IIf you look to the right under Quick Links and Groups, there is one for new members with a lot of frequently cited sources of information. An important early task is to get your legal and financial affairs in order, especially important if you're going to be in the position of needing to support both parents.

In terms of her not being afraid or depressed, the fact is that she may not realize the implications of the diagnosis as much as you do, or she may forget. Many have anosognosia, and are truly unable to perceive their deficits. Additionally most people here would tell you that they don't remind their loved ones of their dementia diagnosis, it serves no purpose but to upset them.

read a lot of threads and you will learn a lot. It's a lifeline...

concerned_sister

I'm sorry your dealing with. You've found a very supportive community. About how old was your mom when you started noticing the symptoms? I hope your dr can offer medication to help ease your mom's symptoms. I'll encourage you to visit this sit often as you go down this road.

KCunningham

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/210989#Comment_210989

The thing is I'm not even sure. I've been pretty absent the past few years with entering eating disorder treatment. But when I was home I would notice things. So I would say maybe I started to notice symptoms when she was 68. Her sister developed it around that age as well.

concerned_sister

As you read through the threads you'll learn that this is not a one size fits all disease. As you'll read, "typically" someone with "early onset" AKA "young onset" (before age 65) tends to progress through the stages faster than those who are diagnosed later. I hope you read through the Tam Cummins handouts in the Group for New Caregivers. It breaks down observable behaviors in to 7 stages. It can give you an idea where you are in your mom's progression, and what you may observe as she progresses.

Patyh75

hi I’m new to this also and my mom also was diagnosed recently with Alzheimer’s. I’m not her full time caregiver because she still lives with my dad but that’s been hard also because he was always the one who was taken care off by my mom . Anyway there’s this great book I bought on Amazon called The Dementia caregivers survival guide by Janet G.Cruz . It has helped me a lot understanding how Alzheimer’s works. Best of luck.