Grieving and Planning

Meredith1284

Hello All-
My first post ever. I am 40 years old and moved in to help my father 78 who was diagnosed with alz in 2020-- but had been declining for over a decade. He has really progressed and is incontinent, very weak, and disoriented. He recently had a fall in the shower and we had to call 911 for a lift assist-- it was traumatic and just made me realize i need more support.
My folks have limited means and my father is never alone-- my mother is elderly but fully competent, and my husband is able to help too. We are trying to figure out additional supports including possible caregivers if they can qualify. He never wanted to be placed in a home, they dont have a lot of means, and he doesnt wander. Guess Im just looking to feel less alone and begin to connect with a community. Im in the sandwhich generation and its pretty overwhelming and lonley. xoxoxo

M1

welcome to the forum. Ask for a hospice consult; you don't need a doctor's order for this, you can call yourself, and they will assess him. If he is having mobility issues he will probably qualify, adn they can provide a lot of help. Additionally, does he have Medicaid in addition to Medicare? There are ways to qualify him, and that may make him eligiible for some in-home assistance also. You can do this with a certified elder law attorney (look at nelf.org for lists by location). Regulations vary by state, so it is worth the money to have someone get it right, that may help protect their assets for your mother also. The attorney can also help with wills, advance directives, and powers of attorney if those are not already in place (you will need them).

A third thing is to call your local Council on Aging—there may be local grants that could also help with some in-home support. They will know what the local and state resources are.

mabelgirl

My area agency on aging actually did all the required work to get my mother approved for a Medicaid waiver since she was just above Medicaid income limit. It did take awhile but it sounds like your dad is further along than my mom so hopefully you get help sooner than I did. This waiver provides for long term care at home or in a facility through a provider. It doesn’t cover everything fully though. I couldn’t afford an elder attorney thus I googled all kinds of elder assistance. The other thing I did was apply for qualified medical benefit which pays for Medicare. It’s a little known program. Another option for assistance if your parents go to a senior care doctor, they may have a social worker on staff that can assist you. I didn’t know this until after I had already started with area agency on aging. Prayers you get the help you need.