waste of time and energy

M1

I think nutty is it, and yes, i think there is some anger directed at me as though any of this is my fault. This woman has a long history of borderline behavior and my partner had withdrawn from her early in her illness. But she is not willing to take no for an answer, then or now, and I think she thinks the loss of friendship is my fault.. Her partner is slightly saner but only just.

I still have not responded, but i do think I'm coming down on the side that a single response is warranted to document that i have very clearly and in no uncertain terms said no. She wrote a card but asked me to text my response, which i will do so i have a record of it and she can't say it got lost. But then i will block the number. They do not have my email address, but they've had my cell and our landline for years. There were lots of other ways they could have handled this besides trying to surreptitiously visit behind my back.

fortunately my partner knows nothing of this, it's just one more thing that I didn't need.

MN Chickadee

Very selfish behavior on their part. The fact that they have repeatedly tried to visit a PWD behind your back is weird. I think you're right, I would respond with one sentence saying they cannot visit her. It covers your butt so they can't claim they didn't know. And then I would make sure all staff on her unit know that your partner has a person who may try to visit and is not allowed. All it would take is for the receptionist to be away using the bathroom for them to ask an aide where her room is and easily slip through. If it were that important for this person to see your partner, say goodbye etc she could have asked you to arrange it via proper channels, explain what she wants etc. If she cared about her friend, she would be supporting her friend's spouse during this difficult time, not pulling this crap. Surely it has come up before in a facility full of vulnerable adults. Ex-spouses being banned etc. I would think they would take it seriously.

CindyBum

I'm late to the party, but agree they don't deserve a response. I had a wonderful friend who ran a large company she founded who told me once that part of her success was because she finally realized one day that not every demand for an answer required her response. There are people that are simply unreasonable and the only solution was to stop giving them her time.

Sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else.

storycrafter

It's not "passive aggressive." It's a situation that requires a firm boundary, which is best for you and your LO's health and protection. You DO know best and your instincts about this are right. You owe them nothing at all.

White Crane

Dear M1, you know these people and you know the history. Texting a response one time sounds reasonable. Just as blocking their number afterwards sounds reasonable. You don’t need this. And your partner definitely doesn’t need them visiting. Take care of yourself. Sending hugs.

Ed1937

My two cents. I think you have two good options. Absolutely no contact at all or make it very clear that they will not be allowed to visit under any circumstances. Either way seems like a win for you. Any further attempts might call for a restraining order. I once had to get one for my disabled son when he was constantly bothered by someone, and it was very quick when it got to court. No more problems.

Iris L.

"That's the last person I want to talk to". If a "frenemy" spoke about me like that, in direct disregard of my orders regarding a vulnerable older adult, I would be thinking about a restraining order. This person is up to no good. When my mom was ill with cancer, her friends knew to come to me to ask about her. No one went around my back. At the least, I would reinforce "no contact" with the facility.

Iris