Over it!

PKidd

I am in the worst mood today and I just can't shake it! I am so angry, and just sick and tired!

I don't want to do anything. I am so unmotivated. I just want to lay in bed. I don't want to talk or smile or even try. I am trying so hard to get past it! I am wasting my whole day 😢

RetiredTeacher

We try to cope and get through each and every day and some times we just hit the wall and we don't want to do it anymore. I cam relate to being sick and tired of being chronically sick and tired....feeling more like an indentured servant than a person that used to have so many choices and options of how to spend our days....dementia and caregiving are exhausting. I hope you wake up tomorrow having more strength and and a better day.

M1

Days like that sometimes I just don't try to fight it PKidd. Sometimes it helps to just give in and put your head in the sand for a little bit, if your LO will let you. Many days my major accomplishment is making coffee in the morning.

Jeanne C.

Some days are like that. I'm sorry.

If I remember correctly, your husband was recently diagnosed. It's a lot to handle. Your life has changed. It's scary. It's OK to be sad about that. I hope tomorrow is better for you. When my husband was first diagnosed, it was rough. I was trying to figure out his care and the legal stuff. I just took it one thing at a time and did the best I could. Not everyone may agree with me on this, but two years in and it's gotten a little easier.

That being said, you need to do what you can to take care of yourself. I've learned so much from the generous people on this forum. I've read up on dementia (FTD in our case). I've gotten benefits set up for my husband so he's well cared for. And I've gotten myself help - a great support group and therapist have made a huge difference in my life. But some days I still want to pull up the covers and take a pass. We all do. Hang in there and be gentle with yourself.

hiya

I completely understand. It’s okay to have a bad day (just so long as it’s not every day. If it is, please seek help from a dr or therapist. You are important and need to look after yourself). I have days when I think I’m losing it; days when I think I don’t want to do this anymore; days when I just want a normal life with companionship, love, happiness and laughter. I long to be part of a couple to go out with friends, go on trips, dinner or just a barbecue at someone’s house and even my house. I want to go on a vacation with my children where nobody has to worry. I want to be my old self, happy, rarely complaining, glass half full. I’ve had a weird day …can you tell:). Today, I found my husband with our dogs harness around his neck, trying to adjust the tension straps so it would fit him like a workers back brace. I spent a lot of the day trying to find missing things. It’s relentless. I try and get through it by being thankful I’m not the one in DH position. I relate to you. Tomorrow is another day. I pray your day is more positive with energy. Be kind to yourself.

SDianeL

so sorry you are going through this. You are angry at the disease. That’s normal. I hate this heartbreaking and terrifying disease!! Is there someone you can call to stay a few hours so you can take a break?

PKidd

Thank you all for your support. My husband just wouldn't let me lay in bed which made me mad but I shook it off and got up, took a shower and got on with it! I am crying my eyes out right now as I'm writing this. Finally not angry, just sad again. What's worse? I don't know. What I do know is I am so very grateful for this forum and all of you. I feel a lot of things but, at least I don't feel misunderstood anymore 💜

storycrafter

Anger, sadness, depression, numbness, etc., remember it's all part of grief. We are in grief and are mourning for good reason. It's good you're letting yourself have your feelings. It means they're flowing through you; they're moving. It's when we suppress or repress them that they can get stuck inside, get dammed up, and cause havoc.

Give yourself lots of caring talk, kudos, and tlc.

Jgirl57

I agree that sometimes you just have to give in to the emotion you are feeling. I am watching endless hours of Olympics and do not feel guilty at all. Fortunately my HWD/Alz is content to watch as well. All caregivers deserve a gold medal for getting through each day. I hope tomorrow is better for you

tryingtodurvive

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70136/over-it

I have had so many of those days in the last 5 years. Some days I’ve been so angry, bitter, hopeless and sad that I thought I’d never make it. Joining a church saved my life. I found friends who loved my husband right where he was and included is on everything. I’m now facing a new chapter placing my husband in memory care this week. I pray it’s the right decision I’m only 62 and want to keep my career. I’ve managed to take care of him and keep all my clients to this point even taking him to employee meetings with me but I’m not able to take him with me anymore. I feel so guilty but I also don’t want to give up the rest of my life and he really doesn’t always know who I am. I hope you can find your peace in this dreadful journey. God has definitely pulled me through.

White Crane

Those sad days come and I don't try to fight them anymore. I'm sorry it's so hard right now. Go ahead and cry it all out. Then try to get a little rest if you can. I wish I could be there to comfort you.

AnderK

If it is of any solace, I was asked the other day what I would do if I could be worry free for three days. At another time I would have said have lunch with friends, fly to Chicago, take our sailboat out .

Now? It would be to go to a hotel with good room service where somebody else will make the bed, bring me food, I can binge watch the Three Pines series, and do needlepoint. Oh, and not have the bathroom smell of incontinence. So I here you.

Kathy

fmb

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/218172#Comment_218172

Kathy, this would make a great stand-alone topic. I started to think about it, and the choices are overwhelming. I want to do everything and nothing.