Driving while impaired

elainechem

There are two ladies in my support group who, being unwilling to confront the issue, still let their husbands drive. At the last meeting, they both admitted that they were starting to look into memory care facilities. They do know that their husbands won't be able to drive once they're admitted, right?

It's actually illegal in my state to drive while impaired. This includes dementia as well as drunkenness. I just pray that their poor decisions don't cost any innocent lives.

Quilting brings calm

maybe that’s why they are looking into MC- because putting their spouses into locked units is the only real way of stopping them from driving. I couldn’t get my step-dad to quit driving until he just felt so bad he didn’t leave the AL. Luckily, the staff at the AL had better luck than me and they could get him to allow them to run errands for him( he wouldn’t ask or let me most of the time). So he barely drove the last couple years of his life ( as in a tank of gas would last months).

In my state, you cannot ask the state to re-test someone’s driving skills. Only the doctor or law enforcement can. I did not have POA on him and he would have had me arrested if I had disabled or moved his vehicle.

elainechem

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/219079#Comment_219079

All that the state can do is revoke a license. Not having a license doesn't stop many people from driving. And I would have been willing to get arrested to stop my late husband (who had EOAD) from driving. I had all the medical records to prove that he was impaired.

If you had let the air out of his tires or something, how would he have known it was you? I don't think we should live in fear of our loved ones who have dementia. They're impaired. We aren't.

Quilting brings calm

==If you had let the air out of his tires or something, how would he have known it was you? ==

In our case, because he lived in an AL with cameras on the parking lot.

In terms of your support group members, please say something to them. If they won’t act, then call the police and ask to have him followed. They at least can yank his license, which may allow the spouses to feel able to do something.

mrahope

Just, FWIW, some states (like mine) allow reporting of impaired drivers by anyone, and such reports are kept confidential. Your support group folks may want to check into this.

elainechem

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/219127#Comment_219127

The last that I heard, the motor vehicles department in my state was required to tell the person who reported them. Thanks DMV. I had to do it myself.

elainechem

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/219125#Comment_219125

I'm really wondering about this assisted living facility. Couldn't they be found to be negligent if they allowed one of their residents to drive knowing that he was impaired? They must have known that he had dementia.

RayeMc

Several months ago my husband was tested by a neuropsychologist. I had expressed to our PCP that I was concerned about my DH's driving and needed some professional backup on this issue, which he in turn reported to the neuropsychologist. She tested him as MCI but "see no reason for him to cease driving." What?? Really?? At least our PCP is talking about this with him at each visit and together we are making some headway. When I tell DH that an accident resulting in someone else's injury or, heaven forbid, death could open us to financial ruin he seems to be getting the message. It was unbelievable the neuro wouldn't help with this!!

elainechem

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/219201#Comment_219201

My hubby's neuro said that he couldn't report the Alzheimer's diagnosis because of HIPAA laws. Okay.... I had to stop his driving without medical support.

ButterflyWings

I’m on Team sabotage, by any means necessary. Don’t ask, don’t tell, just get them off the road.

It required major, repeated, stealth moves and lots of near anxiety attacks for me, but like Elainechem, I got it done. The dents, dings, speeding tickets and red light violations would have given way to worse and when you know better (us that is, not our PWD LOs), well then we are supposed to do better.

So disappearing keys & remotes again and again (SO many extra sets of keys!), disabling the car several times, losing (hiding) the garage door remote and key, blocking DH’s path with my own car once during an ice storm (he actually was determined to drive off in those conditions- that’s the one time he knew it was me trying to stop him which worked that day anyway!).

But he was so determined and eventually I had no choice but to disappear the car altogether and feign ignorance when he thought it was stolen… it took a lot but was worth it to save possible injuries or death.

No, it’s not easy and I really can’t fathom the blase attitude of some in the medical profession about this but you’re right - too many seem to underestimate the impairment risk where driving is concerned. It’s not just about potentially getting lost or forgetting one’s destination! Infuriating.

Lkrielow99

I don’t allow my DH to drive. But, early on he has slipped out of my site and then I heard the garage door close. I am on Team Sabotage. The car battery was dead one day, and he called his friend to come over and fix it. (Ugh). Hiding his keys but it’s the only thing left he hasn’t lost. He clutches his keys with a death grip. Anytime he mentions going somewhere, I jump up and drive him. He has anosognious. Since his diagnosis last year, my life has turned upside down. I’ve had a very long and lonely journey. I listen to you all and I know what I need to do. I am thankful for all of you here. Much love. Lenora

CindyBum

A friend of mine who's dad had alzheimer's and wouldn't stop driving finally disconnected the cables to the battery. His dad couldn't figure out how to reconnect them and asked his son for help. His son took the car, telling him he would take it to the shop to get fixed and then kept telling his dad he was waiting to hear back from the shop. His dad forgot and finally gave up.

It's not a move for everyone, but he gained so much peace from getting the car away from his dad.

elainechem

If it's a newer car, the black part has electronics that needs to be programmed specifically to that one car. You can go to a key shop and get a duplicate key, but without the programming. You can unlock the door, but it won't start the car.

elainechem

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/219461#Comment_219461

Or, you can do like I did. I replaced all the deadbolt locks with double keyed deadbolts. You needed a key to get in or out of the house. My hubby didn't have the key. He was a real flight risk.

Dio

I just took away the car keys and hid them. DH had a fit when I didn't allow him to drive home. He wouldn't close his door and kept one leg outside to prevent me from closing the door. After 45min of this battle of wills, he suddenly ceded and put his leg back into the car when I said I'd call a particular person to come help (even threatening to call the police didn't phase him). Anyhow, I quickly ran around to his side, shut the door, came back to my seat, buckled him in, locked the door and off we went. Thankfully, he didn't try to open the door while we were on the road. He simply pouted like a child all the way home. To this day, I don't know where I hid the second car key, lol.

l7pla1w2

Maybe another approach is to remove a strategic fuse that will prevent the car from starting. It's much less obvious than a missing battery cable or even a dead battery.

mrahope

Yet another story of cars and keys…my DS asked my DH if he could "borrow" the car as it was bigger and they needed it to carry my then-baby granddaughter. Long story short, they lived 200+ miles away and DS was always "too busy" to bring the car back.

elainechem

My hubby actually got out of the car one time while it was moving. Fortunately, I could see what he was planning, so I was able to slow down to 5mph before he opened the door. After that, I always had him sit in the back seat and I engaged the child locks so that he couldn't get out. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease!

ButterflyWings

@elainechem Same. I had to drive super slowly the last 3 blocks home, one time. I was reaching across DH to keep his passenger door from fully opening and him eloping. Insane.

He had been insisting that I was going the wrong direction (I wasn’t), and tried to jump out just as I pulled off from a stop sign! Only when we actually made it to our driveway and I pulled in, did he recognize our house and that we were, indeed, going the right way to get home all along (like I said!).

Yes, Alz is truly a horrid disease. The mind games it plays with the caregivers too! Boy, my heart was racing during that whole episode not knowing if I might lose control of the car in trying to stretch and drive with one hand while trying to keep him in his seatbelt and his door from flying all the way open — praying that he didn’t manage to jump out anyway and possibly get run over by another driver…

While trying not to scream at him, semi-sort of validating and just buying time trying to direct his vision to the D*m* house that was coming into view if he only could get ahold of his delusional self and look at it (which of course he could not.)

Then we pulled into the drive as I mentioned and he was like, “oh, we’re home”. And just like that, he was fine, immediately forgetting the drama that had me still shaking with fear, heart racing, head pounding.

I can remember that like it was yesterday though it was at least 5 years ago. So taxing on the blood pressure and nervous system it’s no wonder so many caregivers do not outlive their PWD spouses, sadly.