Caregiving when you have pretty severe mental health issues yourself

ajsather

Hello. I do some caregiving for someone who is quickly declining. We mostly go for walks. I have severe depression and anxiety myself. I am also unfortunately an empath so her distress sticks to me for hours or more.

When she says paranoid delusions about her primary caregiver, I am at a loss for how to respond. I am starting to have nightmares about it because it is stressing me out so much.

I don't know what to do on our walks when she starts doing something inappropriate like:

1. She insists on pulling weeds from strangers yards. I am worried someone is going to yell at us for her to get off their property. I stand there mostly frozen because I don't know how to get her to stop.

2. She is REALLY struggling with clothing. She puts one arm in a jacket and can't get the other one in so it drags on the ground. If I try to help her physically, she gets upset.

She kept wanting to take her top off on our last walk. I was so stressed for how to convince her she needed to keep it on.

My own mental health issues are making spending time with her so incredibly stressful. I freeze up for hours at the thought of going on a walk with her because I am struggling so much myself just to get out. I think I am struggling with agoraphobia.

But I HAVE to spend time with her due to financial reasons. But spending time with her is severely affecting my own mental health.

Help!

Jgirl57

Welcome ! I am so sorry this is stressful for you. Is there another activity you could do? Or another place to walk?Maybe a simple indoor craft? A walk should be beneficial but as the disease progresses it may not be sustainable . My husband with Alzheimer’s was constantly picking up stones , sticks and strange objects off the ground and would get dizzy with all the up/down. We had to stop our outdoor walks. I also had to start taking anxiety medication to help ease the stress of caring for my hubby. Maybe others will have some helpful suggestions

Phoenix1966

I’m very sorry to hear how you are struggling with this situation. There are many threads on this forum that discuss redirection when a PWD (there is a link on the upper right side of this page with many of the commonly used abbreviations on this site) is doing something undesirable. Please use the search function for “redirect” or “redirection”.

Caregiving is extremely hard work. Percentages that float around suggest that 20-30% of full-time caregivers do not survive the person they are caring for. I do not know how many hours per week you are obligated to care for this person (and I do understand that you financially need to do this work), but with your own struggles, I do not know if you have the stamina to keep up with the person in your care. The demands are only going to rise as this person’s health declines and behaviors change. As a paid caregiver, I suspect you are liable for their well-being and protection while under your care.

Under “Groups” at the top right of this page is a forum for New Caregivers ( https://alzconnected.org/group/32-new-caregiver-help) with links to a variety of resources(handouts to read and videos to watch). I would suggest browsing through there and get a sense of what stage of dementia your person is in and what will likely follow. That should help to give you an idea of what to expect in the future and then you can decide if you are equipped to help them through it.

I’m sure others will come along with other suggestions. Good luck and keep posting.