second home

Lilydaisy

I haven't seen conversation about owning a second home, or vacation home, and I know there are others like me who have a dw or dh with alzheimer's and have thoughts about how to handle it. Ours is a vacation home in a popular tourist area that we bought knowing that dw has alzheimer's but did it for her enjoyment knowing that it likely wouldn't last more than 5 years. We are not in a financial position to maintain it throughout her disease.

We (mostly me) have listed it now. She is in middle stages somewhere. My primary reasons for this timing are to simplify life before it gets very difficult, and now is a good time in our real estate market. Because I am a planner/worrier, when I know change is coming I prefer to do things too early rather than too late. It makes both of us sad, but it feels right. We are in our vacation home now, and three times today she asked where we are.

I hope this helps others who are thinking about this topic.

Belle60

Yea, I looked at a vacation home before the last real estate price increase but hestiated due to DH disease. Kind of wish we had done it! But now I am worried about our current home. two story not a very accessible bathroom, etc. Not sure if we should move to a one story or just make renovations which can be expensive. He had his first fall a couple of weeks ago. But we really like where we live.

judesong

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70412/second-home

We have a vacation home and I know it’s time to sell. It’s a very sad decision and I’m making it mostly on my own as DH cannot make that decision now. Hopefully we will be able to travel there so I can get things in order to sell. I don’t know how DH will react and how to handle it. Wondering if I should sell without going there and how that should be accomplished. I’m waiting on the results of the PET CT nuclear scan. DH was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2021 and has behavioral issues. I’ve been asking for this test for years. Wondering if this test can determine the stage of Alzheimer’s.

harshedbuzz

@Lilydaisy What a great gift it was to have had the vacation property while you were both able to enjoy it. That said, I agree it might make sense to simplify your lifestyle and living space while also considering where you want to be in stage 8.

My parents split the year between their place in FL and coastal MD. When dad was diagnosed, fairly late in the game despite my best efforts, I moved them to PA where they raised me. It's risky for the caregiver of a PWD who has progressed to a stage where they're no longer recognizing their home to not have eyes on them. My mom almost died with dad as her medical advocate because he was unable to recognize she was in trouble, nor would he have been able to effectively advocate for her is she was able to ask. Had she died, dad would have been alone without anyone looking out for him. As it was, I got a call from the hospital as an emergency contact a few days after she was admitted; I called mom & dad to check in daily to check in, but he told me some plausible story about her being at Publix or the pool with friends.

Because they didn't make the decision to move sooner, it fell to me to manage the logistics and execute the transfers using a POA. I managed the move out of MD and used that furniture to set up an apartment, after that sold, mom wanted a house, so I found one and got them moved into that. Meanwhile, I was renting their place in FL monthly and arranging a turn-key sale which meant I only had to arrange the move of a POS-worth of personal things and ship a car.

I found it best to do most of it behind dad's back. We considered keeping and renting the FL house as an investment, but with increasing insurance costs it didn't seem worth the modest return. It exists as an option if you're in a hot rental market.

Both mom and dad fussed mightily about losing the Florida house. Mom has come to accept it and when I moved dad into the new place I found for him, he believed it was his Florida house. I'm glad they had the 13 years.

HB

WIGO23

We had a great travel van—more like a luxury, rolling hotel room until recently. We sold it (sadly) because my DH no longer drives and could not help me with the hooking up or breaking camp activities. He couldn’t follow simple instructions anymore.

I got too nervous trying to keep an eye on him while doing what needed to be done. I miss the travel, the beauty of nature and all that went with owning our van. It is just another thing this cruel disease stole from both of us.

I have considered just renting a cabin at the parks where available but now every time we travel, the break in routine causes him at least temporary confusion and distress. is it worth that? I don’t know. What I do know is that Alzheimers has two sufferers—the patient and their 24/7 caregiver.

Bailey's Mom

That is one gorgeous van…I can see why you miss it greatly. My DH is in the early stages of Alz…we thought about getting a van similar to yours, but I would have to do pretty much everything…like your situation…so am hesitating. Some days he is ok and would be able to manage most everything, but if he has a meltdown all bets are off. The stress of traveling would probably trigger many fits of anger and pretty much all around foolishness so most likely wouldn't be enough of a reward for the trouble. For awhile he wanted to buy a big sailboat and live on it (something we did for 8 yrs while we were in our 30's) but, thankfully, seems to have given up that idea. In our 70's now, so even without alz it would be much more difficult. Sometimes I feel like we should do something adventurous while we still can, but in reality it is probably already too late for that. What a horrible disease.

WIGO23

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/220783#Comment_220783

It was a great van. So much of what you said struck home. I want to travel but when we do, there is a price tag attached in the increase in his confusion and anxiety as well as my hyper vigilance

It is easier to just stick to home and routine. But the sense of loss is hard to tolerate. Our retirement dream of travel to our “bucket list” places is shattered. .

ButterflyWings

@Bailey's Mom said dementia brings “pretty much all around foolishness”…

Nailed it.

4MY❤️

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70412/second-home

I could have written this post. My situation is very similar and I struggle daily with what to do…and the reality is I just figure there will come a time with this when I know what the answer is. I would prefer to be ahead of the curve and settled with my decision, I just am not ready to sell. Although ours is a vacation home, we live in it for 6 months out of the year. We have a full life there with good friends and all… I don’t have the heart to leave it all yet because we both love and appreiciate it so much. I also don’t want to carry the costs of both homes for much longer… my inclination for next year is to rent it out more often and go for shorter spurts so hopefully I can recover some of the expenses, but it is a flight there and back and the traveling will not be good for my DH. I literally have this worry on my mind every day. Thank you for posting this. Yours and others’ comments are helpful.