Help

Deb Ski

Good afternoon all. I am new to the group, but not new to the feelings associated with being a caregiver to someone who is aging and losing their mental capacity. My mom, who will be 82 in November, and lives with my husband and I, is exhibiting more signs of dementia, and it is becoming worse. I am at my lowest point to date. Started seeing a therapist and an antidepressant. Looking for some advice on how to get through it from people going through it. Thanks in advance

Jeanne C.

HHello and welcome. One foot in front of the other...My recommendation: get her good care, make sure legal/financial ducks are in a row, and learn what you can about dementia caregiving. I've included a link below to the new caregivers group where we collect useful information.

Be sure that you and your husband take care of yourselves.

https://alzconnected.org/group/32-new-caregiver-help

KJac0610

Hi. Piggybacking on what Jeanne C. said, one step/day at a time is all you can expect from yourself. Find a therapist or just someone to whom you can vent without feeling judged. And, find someone to help you and your mom. My 66-year-old husband has what appears to be mixed dementia, and I have recently been going through consolidating our financial and legal accounts as Jeanne mentioned. It takes lots of stress off! My elderly mom also shows signs and ,my parents have just moved into a close by graduating independent living facility, so I also understand that frustration. Make sure you do something each week just for you, no matter how trivial it might seem. Finally, I am trying to learn to be patient and not react or respond more often. It does not help you or the others in your life. But, wow it is hard!

Deb Ski

It sure is. My mom and I used to be so close, and I know this is not the same person, but boy ....…being emotionally beat down drains you. Today was my first day speaking to a therapist, I really hope it helps me because I hate to say it, but I'm starting to become resentful and that's awful. TY, and best of luck in your struggles too

SDianeL

remember it’s not her, it’s the disease. It helped me to see my DH as my patient and I was his nurse. We were no longer husband and wife. It’s sad but true. Get someone to relieve you for 4 hours each week and do something you like. Hugs.

dancsfo

Some people feel guilty if they take care of themselves, but ultimately, it helps everyone, including your mom. After all, if you get burnt out and can't be a good caregiver, she will suffer, right?

H1235

In my opinion home care is not always the best way to go. It’s ok to consider MC or AL that does not make you a horrible person. It doesn’t mean you’re not good enough! Our lo can become angry and resentful of the care we give and will sometimes accept help from strangers more willingly. A facility can also offer a chance to socialize with others their age and a reason to get dressed in the morning. Would your mom (20 years ago)expect or want you to push yourself to the edge like you are now? At a facility there is a team of people that would work to care for her. If you are this frazzled maybe it’s time to consider it. I hope you can find some time for yourself.