Reflections and a new lease on life

Nowhere

Here I am almost seventy year’s old, living in a new state, with my husband residing in a memory care facility, our grandchildren busy in elementary school, and our kids working full time. It’s not been easy to make friends in this new locale as a senior. I’m lonely living alone. Since I’ve been swimming laps for two decades, I’ve applied and been accepted for a lifeguard position at a local fitness center. This position will allow me to branch into swim and water fitness instructing. I was a teacher before retiring early (2013) to enjoy time with my husband after he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s (2007). I’ve been a member here under three different user names over the course of his illness. His Alzheimer’s started out rather smooth, but reached a hellish pitch during stages of 5 & 6. Now he’s considered to be in advanced dementia and although his foot taps a mile a minute, he’s amicable and his easy going and polite personality shines through. Accepting this part time position, I’ll still be able to spend time with him in the afternoons and get him ready for lights out each night. I’m maybe a bit crazy 😜 , definitely changed, but quite excited for this new lease on life.

I’m sharing this as I read and feel for so many of you struggling along side your loved ones in the clutch of this horrific disease; although we’re still in it, it’s a reprieve of impossible behaviors- paranoia and delusions- that turned our lives upside down. Alzheimer’s delivered us insanity resulting in first hand rage. That has ebbed as his brain no longer can think to weave any kind of story. What’s left is the wake of amicable sweet sorrow, pride, and hope that he/we have sailed thru the worst of the storm. All that lies ahead, I think, is that circle of life that all of us, Alzheimer’s or not, has been headed towards since birth. We, both of us, reviled against this disease when it was at its worst, but simply wore out against the if’s, why’s, when’s, how’s and what’s of it all, and have accepted this disease that’s run its worst course, and delivered us here, in the now. It’s all we’ve ever had, and I am most grateful to surrender. Now here.

Alzheimer's will pass. My love for my husband and his love for me will not. Wishing fellow caregivers here fortitude and grace that will see you and your loved one through.

Karen711

Beautiful, thank you! Brava for the new job adventure!

Best Wishes!

Karen

charley0419

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70718/reflections-and-a-new-lease-on-life

nothing like a good cry in the morning.

Biggles

So poignantly stated, it’s a journey none of us want, none of us ask for. It’s the unknown fear, I look into his eyes, after 54 years the love still shines through but he’s fading, so much doesn’t make sense to him anymore and I can hardly stand it. I just cry.

Joe C.

Well said and a great picture. I wish you the best is establishing a social life in your new location. It seams like your lifeguard position will give you an opportunity to start making friends. I wish you the best.

clarinetist

I admire your fortitude and grace through this long journey you’ve both been on.

M1

thank you Nowhere. This gives me hope for the future. What a wonderful picture, thank you for sharing it….

White Crane

What a lovely picture! Thank you so much for sharing it. Your new lifeguard position sounds great.

marier

Enjoy your new position. Thank you for sharing. You have given me hope and encouragement.

midge333

Thanks for sharing. I admire your steadfast love and care for your DH as well as your optimism and hope for the future.

CampCarol

It's wonderful that you're able to put yourself out there; I'm still sitting here wallowing, but maybe someday... Best of luck with your new position, I hope you find what you're searching for. Love the pic!

sherryandwilliam

Very nice comments. I too moved to a new state to be closer to my daughter because of his alzheimer. This disease uproots you from everything.

fmb

@Nowhere wrote:

"Alzheimer's will pass. My love for my husband and his love for me will not."

A beautiful truth! 

My friend lost his wife to Covid in Jan. 2023. Here is what he recently wrote to me when I was having a pity party about slowly losing my DH to ALZ & CHF:

"I was focusing on the fact that she died.  I realized that another way to look at it is that my life changed.  I didn't ask for the change, didn't want this change, but it changed.  There's nothing I can do to undo that.  So I just have to move on -- this is my life now so I have to try to make the best of what I've got. Now there are days when it's hard to see where I'm going or whether I really care. But I've made some progress." And like you, @Nowhere, he has begun to become more involved in the world around him (in his case his community and church).

Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

Nowhere

Thank you for caring and commenting. It does a heart good.

Beachfan

I love your picture. I am amazed at how, finding an old photo of “us”, young, whole and handsome, my heart seems to stop, the present is momentarily forgotten. “Alzheimers will pass.” So true, but there are moments of actual physical pain in remembrance. I wish you the best in your new endeavors. You so deserve happiness.

WIGO23

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/223646#Comment_223646

This is my story too. Left my hometown of 72 years to be near our daughter three states away. I wonder if I will ever stop longing to go home. I miss my brother, our friends, all our familiar places. ALZ is stealing so much from us and NOT the retirement we planned.

WIGO23

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/223631#Comment_223631

Wallowing is allowed. My emotions are all over the place—hope—despair—joy—sadness—self pity—everything under the sun just more intense now that ALZ moved in with us. Sure wish I could kick that freeloader to the curb!!!!!

Gig Harbor

if you are on Facebook or Nextdoor you might try reaching out to start a new neighbors type group. You would be amazed at how many people around you are lonely and just waiting to make new friends. Your local library might have a meeting room you could use. Once you have an idea of where to meet post it and invite people to come. I have made wonderful friends this way. Good luck!