Reflections and a new lease on life

Here I am almost seventy year’s old, living in a new state, with my husband residing in a memory care facility, our grandchildren busy in elementary school, and our kids working full time. It’s not been easy to make friends in this new locale as a senior. I’m lonely living alone. Since I’ve been swimming laps for two decades, I’ve applied and been accepted for a lifeguard position at a local fitness center. This position will allow me to branch into swim and water fitness instructing. I was a teacher before retiring early (2013) to enjoy time with my husband after he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s (2007). I’ve been a member here under three different user names over the course of his illness. His Alzheimer’s started out rather smooth, but reached a hellish pitch during stages of 5 & 6. Now he’s considered to be in advanced dementia and although his foot taps a mile a minute, he’s amicable and his easy going and polite personality shines through. Accepting this part time position, I’ll still be able to spend time with him in the afternoons and get him ready for lights out each night. I’m maybe a bit crazy 😜 , definitely changed, but quite excited for this new lease on life.

I’m sharing this as I read and feel for so many of you struggling along side your loved ones in the clutch of this horrific disease; although we’re still in it, it’s a reprieve of impossible behaviors- paranoia and delusions- that turned our lives upside down. Alzheimer’s delivered us insanity resulting in first hand rage. That has ebbed as his brain no longer can think to weave any kind of story. What’s left is the wake of amicable sweet sorrow, pride, and hope that he/we have sailed thru the worst of the storm. All that lies ahead, I think, is that circle of life that all of us, Alzheimer’s or not, has been headed towards since birth. We, both of us, reviled against this disease when it was at its worst, but simply wore out against the if’s, why’s, when’s, how’s and what’s of it all, and have accepted this disease that’s run its worst course, and delivered us here, in the now. It’s all we’ve ever had, and I am most grateful to surrender. Now here.

Alzheimer's will pass. My love for my husband and his love for me will not. Wishing fellow caregivers here fortitude and grace that will see you and your loved one through.