What I miss the most

BPS

No question just how I feel. I have had a couple of drinks and am sitting in an empty house thinking (drinking and thinking maybe a dangerous combination). I have been married for 49 years and during the first 25 years I thought we had as close to perfect marriage as possible. the last 24 years has been much less than perfect. I don't know when the Alzheimers became part of the problem it just blended from one thing to another and then Alzheimers (she was diagnosed in 2016 and has been in MC for 6 months). As I sit here right now what I miss the most is the chance to have a real meaningful conversation. I miss the physical connection, but that is not the most important part. We have unresolved issues from the past and I miss the chance to resolve them or at least try to. I miss just talking to her and sharing our lives, good and bad. I often wish I could live inside her mind for just a couple of minutes so I could truly understand. My glass is empty so I will go get another drink. I really don't drink that much but tonight is just one of those nights.

Rick4407

What i miss the most is the joy in life of our being together. Reflecting on that brings tears to my eyes after 18 months. Her final gift to me was looking into my eyes and saying "I love you".

SDianeL

I know how you feel. My husband went in memory care in January. He passed August 12. We were married almost 39 years. I miss him so much it hurts but am glad he’s no longer suffering. Although she can no longer have a conversation she may still be able to hear you. What if you wrote down what you want to say and go read it to her? I’m really trying to focus on the wonderful life we shared and the good times. Then I fall apart. You are experiencing what they call anticipatory grief. Have you considered talking to a counselor? Sending a virtual hug. 🙏

Biggles

everyone’s comments are so touching, relatable and so very appreciated. We have been in a ‘perfect’ marriage for 53 years, so many precious things we have done and always together. I miss the talk, our chatter, our exchange of ideas; it has always just been the two of us, so close together I can’t look at past photos, think about our past or even look into our children’s eyes without welling up inside with tears falling again. I’m not strong or brave and I do t want a future without him.

fmb

I miss the day-to-day conversation and the special times together. I miss our inside jokes. I miss his steadying influence when I'm upset. I miss his snoring. I miss hugs. DH hasn't lived at home for a year now. I'm finally starting to remember some of the good times together. Times before ALZ, a stroke and heart failure robbed us of all but the memories. Today is my 64th birthday. I will spend it at his bedside, telling him about the wonderful time I had with my sons at dinner last night, and seeing the hurt in his eyes because he couldn't be there. Then I will knit and pray while he sleeps. Our 15th wedding anniversary is next Sunday (been together almost 22 years). This is what love is.

marier

I relate to each comment made. I have known my husband for over 50 years and married for the most part of the 50 years. I too miss all the sharing and caring we did together. The travel, camping, day trips, family get togethers, football games etc.. The list is endless. He is still home with me and not sure how much longer he will be at home. The physical care is taking a toll on me. One day at time. I too cope with the stress by walking and doing yoga. Staying fit is important because I want to survive this disease. I hope when this is all over I have the strength left to rebuild a life without him and to find joy and less sadness. I have been on this journey for 10+ years.

trottingalong

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/224750#Comment_224750

I hope you have a nice birthday day. So much we miss when slowly losing the love of our lives.

jfkoc

Sadly I understand.

I often wonder now how little I ever realized what I had. I had a good marriage….not perfect by any means…but life cruised along day by day. I never stopped to think it could end one day.

Others tell you to look back at the happy memories. I do not think that helps. Mostly doing that just makes me "miss".

Now it is one foot in front of the other, rebuilding a different life. There is no other choice but truly, sometimes it is harder than hard.

sherryandwilliam

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70845/what-i-miss-the-most

I miss him being able to fix anything. His strengths with my weaknesses and vice versa. Now it is all me, It is almost too much to go into it all because I have to live in the here and now. I wonder what he truly thinks about all day, I can relate to whoever said I would like to be in their brain for a clear understanding. Or maybe that would terrify me to see exactly what he is going through and I couldn't bear knowing. Most of all I am glad I have stuck by him and am doing my best to make what life he has left as pleasant as I can

sbcspin

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70845/what-i-miss-the-most

Give yourself some grace. Believe she knows how much she loves you and how much you love her. I say 'I love you' to my loved shadow and he always says 'I love you back"

sandwichone123

I miss having a partner, someone to discuss things with, someone to help with major decisions, someone to go do dumb stuff with, "paint the town red."