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What I miss the most

BPS
BPS Member Posts: 86
25 Likes 25 Care Reactions 10 Comments First Anniversary
Member
in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

No question just how I feel. I have had a couple of drinks and am sitting in an empty house thinking (drinking and thinking maybe a dangerous combination). I have been married for 49 years and during the first 25 years I thought we had as close to perfect marriage as possible. the last 24 years has been much less than perfect. I don't know when the Alzheimers became part of the problem it just blended from one thing to another and then Alzheimers (she was diagnosed in 2016 and has been in MC for 6 months). As I sit here right now what I miss the most is the chance to have a real meaningful conversation. I miss the physical connection, but that is not the most important part. We have unresolved issues from the past and I miss the chance to resolve them or at least try to. I miss just talking to her and sharing our lives, good and bad. I often wish I could live inside her mind for just a couple of minutes so I could truly understand. My glass is empty so I will go get another drink. I really don't drink that much but tonight is just one of those nights.

Comments

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 967
    500 Care Reactions 250 Likes 500 Comments 100 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    I know how you feel. My husband went in memory care in January. He passed August 12. We were married almost 39 years. I miss him so much it hurts but am glad he’s no longer suffering. Although she can no longer have a conversation she may still be able to hear you. What if you wrote down what you want to say and go read it to her? I’m really trying to focus on the wonderful life we shared and the good times. Then I fall apart. You are experiencing what they call anticipatory grief. Have you considered talking to a counselor? Sending a virtual hug. 🙏

  • marier
    marier Member Posts: 61
    Sixth Anniversary 25 Likes 25 Care Reactions 10 Comments
    Member

    I relate to each comment made. I have known my husband for over 50 years and married for the most part of the 50 years. I too miss all the sharing and caring we did together. The travel, camping, day trips, family get togethers, football games etc.. The list is endless. He is still home with me and not sure how much longer he will be at home. The physical care is taking a toll on me. One day at time. I too cope with the stress by walking and doing yoga. Staying fit is important because I want to survive this disease. I hope when this is all over I have the strength left to rebuild a life without him and to find joy and less sadness. I have been on this journey for 10+ years.

  • trottingalong
    trottingalong Member Posts: 413
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Likes 100 Care Reactions 100 Comments
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/224750#Comment_224750

    I hope you have a nice birthday day. So much we miss when slowly losing the love of our lives.

  • jfkoc
    jfkoc Member Posts: 3,874
    Legacy Membership 2500 Comments 500 Likes 100 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Sadly I understand.

    I often wonder now how little I ever realized what I had. I had a good marriage….not perfect by any means…but life cruised along day by day. I never stopped to think it could end one day.

    Others tell you to look back at the happy memories. I do not think that helps. Mostly doing that just makes me "miss".

    Now it is one foot in front of the other, rebuilding a different life. There is no other choice but truly, sometimes it is harder than hard.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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