My dear husband has left me

tigersmom

My dear husband died Friday morning, with me by his side, in his bed at memory care. The seven weeks leading up to this were probably the worst of both of our lives. I took him to the hospital on August 14 after two weeks of trying to deal with his spiraling agitation at home. Five days into that hospital stay, he stopped eating. He was released to memory care Sept. 6, and I was hopeful we could turn it around. One week into his stay there, he began running headlong into the walls and doors. He fell, hit his head and was hospitalized locally for four days. They fed him nothing and immobilized him in bed, with mittens on his hands to prevent him from pulling out his IV. When he returned to memory care, he was unsteady on his feet. He was still not eating. He still wanted to walk all day, despite the fact that he was getting weaker and fell more frequently. Last Monday he stopped drinking as well, and it was clear he was having trouble swallowing. For a while, he had been refusing all meds. He was on hospice for the last week of his life, and the only thing that helped his agitation was Ativan and morphine.

I am reeling from the speed of his departure. He was diagnosed just three years and three months ago, and I thought we would have another year or two together. But it was not to be. His geriatric psychiatrist thinks there was some choice, or conscious effort, on my husband’s part in all of this. I don’t know. All I know is that I have lost the love of my life in the most horrible manner, at a time when I didn’t even see it coming. There was nothing gentle about this death. I think back to all the problems I posted about caring for him here, and I would give anything to have them, and him, back. Real loss — forever loss — is infinitely more painful than the ambiguous kind.

M1

My heart goes out to you. Let's hope he is now at peace. You did an extraordinary job in a very difficult situation.....

mrahope

So, so, sorry to hear of the loss of your DH. Whether he chose his exit or not, I hope you can find peace knowing you did the very best you could in a desperately hard situation.

LJCHR

I'm so sorry to hear of your husband's passing. May God give you the strength you need at this very hard time. Peace be with you.

Mint

Very sorry for your loss of your DH

JeriLynn66

I'm very sorry for your loss. May you both be at peace.

Kat63

So sorry to hear you lost your DH. Every part of dealing with this disease is beyond hard. Sending prayers.

ImMaggieMae

I am so sorry for your loss. Wishing you peace.

clarinetist

I’m so sorry for your loss and for the harrowing time you and your husband had to endure before his passing. My best thoughts are with you.

housefinch

I’m so sorry for your loss.

White Crane

i’m so very sorry for the loss of your dear husband. Praying for your peace and comfort.

GiGi1963

So very sorry for your loss and wish you peace in the days ahead.

harshedbuzz

I am sorry for the loss of your dear husband.

​fesk

Very sorry for your loss.

midge333

I am sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself.

Jeanne C.

you were a true warrior for your husband. Peace and comfort to you.

Crkddy

So very sorry for the loss of your husband.

Bailey's Mom

My heart goes out to you. ❤️

Dio

My condolences. Hope you find comfort in knowing that his suffering is over.

Jo C.

Dear tigersmom, it is sad to read of your beloved husband's death and to know of the struggles that preceded it. It has been a lengthy, tragic illness and I do understand your loss is deep. I am so very sorry.

You have gone the loving distance as best could be done, and I understand the sorrow and heartfelt lonely feelings that you share.

Much to be done now; but when things settle a bit, please do keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. Once part of this large electronic "family," one is always part of it and we care about one another. We are if we wish, always part of this very caring group.

With a soft hug and warmest of thoughts being sent your way, we will be thinking of you.

J.

ronda b

I'm so sorry. Nothing I can say except you did everything possible. He knew you loved him.

jsps139_

Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this sad sad time. Please keep in touch with us so we know how you are getting along. One step in front of the other for a time … then things will get better.

Lots of love ❤️

Joydean

my heartfelt condolences goes out to you with warm hugs! I lost my husband just 6 months ago, he too had decided to stop eating and the only water he would take was a sip so he could take his meds that I handed to him. He wanted me to take him to the hospital, so I did, never dreamed he would be gone in a weeks time. So my heart goes out to you and your family.

Joe C.

My sincere condolences on the passing of your husband. May you find some peace in the days ahead.

Biggles

my heart goes out to you at such a sad time. My tears fall for you, the courageous journey that we all share and the very sad ending. I cry for you knowing that we will all have to face this journey somehow. I wrap my arms around with the gentlest love.

CatladyNW

I am so very sorry for your loss. Be comforted that he is free from the terrible suffering of this disease. You are in my prayers.

Shelly / Texas

Tigersmom, sending you support during this time of loss. Be proud of how much love and courage you have shown during these past stressful years! Seek peace in your memories and let others support you during these coming months. 🌱

trottingalong

I’m so sorry to read this. You did such a good job of trying to do the right things when everything was so difficult.

AnderK

I am sorry for your pain. My heart goes out to you. Kathy

fmb

I am so sorry for your loss. Know that you did all that you could possibly do for him. I pray that you may be comforted by knowing that he is now at peace and that you will find the strength and support you need in the days and months to come.

hiya

you fought the fight right by his side. Lifting you in prayers.