Father packing to fly back home

JM27

Hi NizhoniGrrl,

Thank you for sharing.

Yes this is a difficult stage because that is exactly what he does -just ruminate and worry and take it out on you.

I have toured several place for MC but because he currently high functioning none seem like the right fit for now.

I’m going to look into locked AL in my area hoping this might be a better fit but it’s really hard to say.

I feel I need to get him placed so I can then go back and get his house ready for sale and be able to concentrate on that.

Thank you again for sharing and the support!❤️

JM27

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/225293#Comment_225293

are you in northern or southern cal? If in southern cal would it be ok to share the website of the facility with me?

AmandaF

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/225320#Comment_225320

Northern, sorry to say!

JM27

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/225321#Comment_225321

Awh ok. Thank you.

​fesk

I understand completely, JM27. I worked full time from home too. As your father progresses, it will be constant adjustments. It is exhausting.

My mother did take Lexapro for years which helped with her anxiety and obsessive tendencies. I do hope the doctor appointment next week is helpful and the doctor can determine what medicine may be appropriate.

Keep us posted.

sandwichone123

I hear you saying that you're running out of things to say, but you don't have to do that. Find an answer that works and use it over and over. It's boring, but reduces stress a lot. :-)

JM27

Well this time he asked when he would be going home I told him the truth like I have tried before that he is here for his health and well being and needs to be here. This conversation went on for over 30 mins.

He states just like he has before that he eats when he his home he takes his medicine regularly and he does all the things that needs to be done.

He let me know that I’m not going to dictate his life and he wants to go home. If I don’t make flight arrangements he has people that will.

He isn’t capable of handling the truth nor understanding the reasoning behind it.

My father has always had to be the in control and when he felt the tiniest bit of not being in control he was sure to break you down so you knew who was in control.

He still has a very strong personality and with him not being able to comprehend or reason with I don’t believe being truthful is what’s best for him.

He seems more aware as the months have past that he is here and I believe it’s because he is eating again regularly, on his meds daily and getting out for walks with us as well. When in his own home he was forgetting to eat and the meds were non existent for him and he was constantly chasing his tail so to speak.

I think at this point unless anxiety meds help it is time to have a Doctor explain he needs to be in a facility.

JM27

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/225365#Comment_225365

Hi Victoriaredux,

The only reason I tried being truthful again is some suggested it.

I knew from previous encounters he wouldn’t understand or comprehend. But it was worth one last try.

He did say he is t doing anything here and he is bored.

My family and I have tried to engage him in different things and there is no interest. With me working a full time job 5 days a week just makes it that much harder.

I do feel a place will be better to handle making him feel he has purpose. I am also concerned of being able to find a place that can handle him. He is very high functioning even more so that he has been here with us.

Thank you for the response and support.

M1

Don't expect what the doctor says to have any impact- i made that mistake too. It won't. In fact I wouldn't ask the doctor to discuss his living arrangements, period. unfortunately you're just going to have to do it and live with the consequences.

II would bet he might adapt better than you're anticipating. Don't worry about his being too high functioning.

JM27

Hi M1,

Thank you for the advice. It didn’t stick with him when the dr in Colorado explained it to him. He took bits and pieces of it and created his own story.

AmandaF

One thing I want to clarify…when I said some MC units we looked at weren’t a good fit for my mom, I mean she was rejected by two facilities for being too high-functioning for their staff and resident population, after we had paid a deposit. We had no idea that being rejected was even a thing! It was so dispiriting to be told that she was too confused for AL and too with-it for MC. Now that she’s settled I’m glad she lives where she does, but for a while there we really felt like society had abandoned us or something. I’d say that if a MC that seems well-run says they’ll take your dad, then trust that they can handle him and go for it. Humans are amazingly adaptable.