Refusing help

JMcR

My mother-in-law has been independant all her life. She's been dx with Alzheimers, is 87 years old and very suspicious/paranoid a majority of her life. What do we do if she starts refusing help and refuses assisted living?

terriloulou

I can't even get mine to go to the DR. to get a diagnosis. Mine refuses to admit there is anything wrong. At least you have the diagnosis.

mabelgirl

Has she refused help? If she isn’t refusing and accepts you taking all safety measures I wouldn’t worry about the what ifs. Do you have legalities in order , especially DPOA for both financial and medical needs. If not that’s gonna be your first challenge unless you want the state to seek guardianship. Your priority will be to keep her safe in her remaining years and there could be a time you will need the authority to take steps she may not like. The DPOA gives you that authority.

JMcR

Thank you. Things are in order and she is safe.

H1235

As long as you have the DPOA she really doesn’t have a choice. Many here have suggested taking the pwd out for lunch then going to the AL or MC facility and kind of just dropping them off. Their room would be ready and staff would be prepared to guide them and help them. This sounds harsh, but if they are not safe in their current environment it’s necessary. My mom only very reluctantly agreed to go to AL and it was probably because she realized she had no other choice. I signed all the papers as her DPOA (she was not happy). I am of the mind set hope for the best prepare for the worst. So I can understand why you might want to consider this scenario. I hope this is not something you have to deal with.

JMcR

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/226383#Comment_226383

JMcR

She isn't that far along and I wouldn't do that to her. It seems very cruel to me. That's way too disruptive to her mental state. Thank you

NizhoniGrrl

May I humbly suggest a camera (Arlo is good) for keeping an eye on her for a time, to see what is really happening in her home and give you a better perspective? I suggest motion activated that allows drop in, too, in the living room or dining room/kitchen. This helped me realize it was time to move my mom from IL to AL and now I don’t feel like I need it.