sundowning

Brent Craig

My mother is 84 and has been sundowning for almost a year. It occurs when she asks about her husband (my father) who passed away 7 years ago. My brother and I started out with the approach of just telling her the truth which I know is considered a bad idea. But here it the problem, we have tried other approaches. It was suggested to say "I am not sure where he is but I am sure he is fine". Her answer to that approach is "How do you know, you need to call him right now". What could be another approach?

becky.zinncaulfield

Hi Brent. Consider asking your mom where she thinks he is. Or say "he must be at work" or something similar to what he did when he was alive.

Brent Craig

I will try that, thank you.

AlzWife2023

Asking her where she thinks he is clever. Let us know if it works!

I have a friend whose brother has Down’s syndrome and now EO dementia. He is almost 50 & asks often “where’s mommy?” (He lived with her all his life. She was his caregiver). For about 5 years he’s been living with his sister and her family but only recently started asking about mom. My friend tells him, “Mommy’s upstairs” and that settles him. I would say something like that to your mom and then distract her with something that will calm her & help her sleep. Saying he’s somewhere close and safe is key. PWD don’t want to hear I don’t know or that someone’s outside late at night etc.

Sun downing is hard. I know it’s TV time then bed when my DH starts with repetitive questions. He’ll often ask where each of our children is and when we’ll see each of them but he doesn’t retain the answer.