Dad continues to be ready to move out of MC plus staffing changes

jen ht

Hi Community,

Dad continues to talk about moving out. The difference I see now is that he is not only packing up and talking about it like before. Now he puts his jacket on and starts carrying his things to the MC door.

The time it was most escalated a staff member was able to redirect him into his room to show her the things he was keeping in his closet. We slipped out while she talked with him about his remaining clothing items.

The MC director has left. The activities director will be interim MC director.

My concerns continue. I am taking a break from visiting because I do feel that, for now, seeing me is more upsetting to him than it is useful.

Ugh. I just feel so badly.

Hopefully when I am not there he does better. I honestly get the feeling that he focuses on his departure like a repetitive pattern even when I am not there. At neuro appt in Oct. we decided to see how he is doing after the 1st of the year before changing or adding meds. I am questioning myself about that now, too, wondering if he needs an additional med to help with mood. One possibility mentioned by pysch NP at the MC has been Depakote as a mood stabilizer. I can message the neuro through a patient portal. The pysch NP is much harder to reach. I pretty much just have to wait for her to call me.

This is so hard. I remind myself that he is safe. Sometimes I have to remind myself of this over and over all day.

Take care, all. I am thinking of you and reading your words of wisdom here. Continually grateful for you all. Definitely open to hearing your stories or ideas.

jht

housefinch

I’d message the neurologist with an update, explaining exactly what you posted here. I would ask if they have any strong opinions against psych prescribing additional medication. I probably sound like a medicine pusher, and I am not. However, your father can’t feel great like this, either—and I can only imagine how distressing it is for you. He is also an elopement risk if he continues perseverating on leaving. I hope this perspective is helpful.

Quilting brings calm

it’s ok to take a break from visiting. Especially since he used your visit to try to elope( escape the facility). All you can do is remind yoursejf that he’s safe there and that is Unfortunately staffing and director changes come with the territory. Lots of jobs out there that pay the same as AL/MC.

H1235

Medication can take ( I think ) up to 6 weeks to take full effect. He would probably be started on a low dose then increased after the 6weeks. If that is still not working and they decide to try something different he would have to be weened off then start the whole process all over with a new med. In my experience it takes time. We have been trying to figure out meditation for mom for at least 6 months. I hope you can figure something out.

MaryEllenDaughter

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/71167/dad-continues-to-be-ready-to-move-out-of-mc-plus-staffing-changes

I am so sorry. I feel lots of empathy and understanding with your post. We have used a PRN (as needed) dose of trazadone in the past. We had it after my mother dies. My father moved to his place yesterday, was aware of why he had to move at the moment. But was panicked last night when I went to check in on him older the phone. The nurse also mentioned a mood stabilizer in addition to his antidepressant because he has been very depressed, I agree with this. Using a PRN and a new augmentation drug can work well. My father was pretty upset with me late last night that I put his furniture in a hotel for him.

JM27

Hi Jenht,

My dad is still here in my home and still asks everyday when he will go home. He has been here just barely 4 months and has had his bag packed for over a month.

Once we got him low dose of Lexipro that helped a lot with his agitation and anxiety and looping of needing to go home. Although he asks everyday and some days more than 2 or three times it’s a lot easier to redirect him now.

I battle myself everyday on whether keeping him in my home or if memory care is the best choice.

I know for you MC was the right choice and although it’s hard and sad at times I think you’re doing what’s right.

This takes a toll on everyone and unfortunately it’s not easier.

I’m trying “trying” to remain calm and take one day at a time which is not easy.

For today my dad is in my home how long that will be is undecided right now.

Some meds or different meds maybe key to help you dad with the repetitive of going home. It’s really hard when because it sounds like in your case he’s still very aware of things as is my father.

Remember to recharge your self and take a break. Sending vibes of peace and calm for the both of you.

reny

Urgh. That’s tough. My dad thinks he works at the MC that his apt is compensation. He likes helping others there but still says he wants to leave. Earlier on he said he was packed and leaving but HW Dir said no he wasn’t actually packed. He never talked that way around staff - just with non residents. I think it’s a thing- fairly common? It’s hard as his caregiver to hear he wants to leave is unhappy. But there’s no other choice. Try to be kind to yourself. Hang in.