Thanksgiving MC

kblau

I don’t know what to do about thanksgiving. My mom is in MC. Has been since August. She keeps bringing up Thanksgiving and my sister who usually hosts. My sister and I were hoping that bringing our families together at the MC’s Thanksgiving holiday buffet celebration would help but it hasn’t. She’s fixated on Thanksgiving and my sister hosting. My sister is not hosting she is going to her in laws. And I am going to my aunts. Neither of us think it’s a good idea to take mom out. I know Mom can only handle an hour at most away from the facility. But I don’t know how to handle her asking me about it anymore and I’m feeling guilty. Any advice?

Quilting brings calm

just tell her no one is hosting this year. Everyone has other obligations and accepted friends ( not family) offer to eat with them. Take her a take out tray late in the day if you can.

Emily 123

She's no doubt surrounded by Thanksgiving reminders at her facility, and still at the point where she can cue off of those things, but not recall new information (or she'd remember that you already did the facility's celebration). So she's going to ask about Thanksgiving plans every time she's cued—likely there's no purposeful intent behind her asking. Wish I had some magic phrase that would work for you—sometimes you can stumble across an answer that the PWD will like, and then you can stick to that.

Your decisions for the holiday have been good. Don't let your guilt see more intent behind your mom's questions than there actually is. Sometimes there are question loops that are frequent flyers, and you just have to let them roll off your back.

harshedbuzz

I'd be inclined to tell her Thanksgiving is not for a while. You can kick the can down the road saying you haven't heard what the plan is this year.

HB

psg712

That buffet at the MC sounds nice. You are doing your best for your mom. If you and your sister agree that it's best not to take your mom out, stick with that plan.

kblau

I wanted to follow up with you all and say thank you for your comments. They helped me a lot. I actually did take her out to my aunts house. And we all had a great time. Saying goodbye was hard but we had this really magical moment where she was very lucid and said to me…

“I know I’m going to die soon. I want you to know I love you and I’m proud of you. You have been a great daughter.’

I was really torn whether to take her out or not. What finally helped me make my decision is speaking to my therapist. And I decided that as stressful as I knew it might be for me that night it was umportant to teach my daughter (4 years old) that we are there for family, always.