Finding something for her to do

dakdoug

Lori is 69 years old 5ft tall 110lbs a very healthy women other than the Alzheimer's. She was diagnosed six years ago, now she has no memory, she can't read or write or watch any programming on TV or listen to books. She has a hard time with simple directions and her brain does not recognize or identify simple objects like a box of tissues or a cell phone. She was a very intelligent person, graduated nursing school first in a class of 250 was a nurse for 40 years including 20 as Head Nurse of an ER. When she wasn't working she was volunteering or working on our property grounds. She is very depressed most of the time because she can't do anything, up until it got cold she would spend hours picking up leaves which as you can imagine with our wooded property was never ending. Now we are inside I can't come up with anything. I tried the towel folding but she either forgot what she was doing or forget how to fold and got upset. She can't do the simplest of puzzles or word games. She loves music and can still remember words to songs so I can calm her for a while playing old songs but then she says what can I do, I can't just sit here all day, I can't do anything and the tears start. It sounds like a strange question but if I can't come up with something for her to do is there a way to convince her she doesn't need to do anything

fmb

First of all, welcome to the forum, though I am sorry you have a reason to be here.

This was one of the most difficult stages my DH went through. Loss of executive function (the ability to initiate or follow through activities or perform any but the very simplest of tasks) happens early in the disease. Along with loss of executive function comes apathy. It takes a great deal of mental energy to function, and he would require long periods of mental rest. I assumed my DH was bored when he was not.

Since she loves music, can you find a streaming channel of music she enjoys? There is no right or wrong way to fold towels, and that is something she can do over and over. Some PWD like to do very simple chores like sweeping or dusting. Others like books with lots of pictures (think coffee table books). It is a challenge to us caregivers to be creative and be flexible. What they can do and enjoy one day they may be totally incapable and not interested in doing the next.

DH loved to sit in his recliner and look out the window. I positioned his chair so he could see down the block and watch the comings and goings. I also hung birdfeeders outside our living room windows where he could see them. He would watch "Neighbor TV" and "Bird TV" (as we called it) for hours. Always a very active man, he could still lift light hand weights and do seated leg lifts. Now that he is in late Stage 7 and lives in an ALF, he still enjoys looking at certain things on TV even though he doesn't comprehend what he is seeing.

If she is truly depressed, her PCP may be willing to prescribe a mild antidepressant medication.

ronda b

My Dh feeds the squirrel and birds. Then he watches them from the windows since it's cold now.

dakdoug

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/230915#Comment_230915

Thanks for the reply I have several music streaming services including video and they work for a while, the picture book doesn't work she can't seem to see the content, does not recognize pics of herself and her beloved Spaniel Molly

marier

Welcome! My husband is now in stage 7 and is less active then prior stages. He too watches window TV and at times will watchs football on TV. He also at times will watch some "star war" types of movies. I think it is because the characters are outlandish and lots of action. He doesn't really follow the store line.

When he was in earlier stages, he was always outside walking in the backyard. He too would pick up leaves and sticks. I started leaving small old car parts, pieces of small ceramic items and any type of small items i could find. He would go around with small wagon and pick up the items or sit on the patio trying to take it apart. This worked for awhile and now he just sits at times on the patio to look at the bird feeders etc… he is non verbal and sleeps most of day.

Sweetwater

A fidget blanket might be something that would keep her occupied.

Jazzma

Is she mobile enough for you to take her out? Going to a big box store, having her push the cart while you 'shop' could make her feel useful and provide some exercise and stimulation. It was the only thing that worked with my DH when he was sundowning.

dakdoug

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/230917#Comment_230917

Thanks for the response, we have bird feeders and a lake with lots of migrating ducks and geese right now but she is physically fit and wants to be up doing something

jsps139_

The description of your wife (what she can no longer do) is exactly where my husband is right now. I think everyone experiences, or will experience) the same problem (finding something to do) during this disease progression. I take my DH somewhere in the car everyday … to the grocery, to get gas and go through a drive thru for a coke, to a dog park to watch the dogs running around, a walk through an antique village, just a drive, etc. As long as we do something, he gets tired when we get home, and seems more content. I get tired of always going somewhere every day, but I get more tired of dealing with his depression if we don’t.

dakdoug

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/230977#Comment_230977

Thanks for the response, I do some of that and it does work what would be great for me is if I could come up with something she can do at home while I do something else probably not going to happen

dakdoug

Thanks for the response we do a lot of that, what I need is something for her to do while I am doing something else I find it difficult to watch sports on TV or even work on the computer

jsps139_

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/231153#Comment_231153

Oh I get what you’re asking now. I have no ideas. I have the same problem. My DH and I used to spend weekends watching football and totally enjoyed it. Now he cannot follow it or any conversation at all. I can’t find anything that he enjoys on his own. I’m pretty sure he’s just not capable of doing things on his own anymore. I miss the days when he worked on 60 piece puzzles for 3 to 4 hours and he loved it. I could run an errand knowing he’d be sitting right there when I returned. It was great. That went on for years. Then little by little, he struggled to complete them until it reached the point where he could not even put 2 pieces together. So sad!

trottingalong

would she be interested in sorting things? Some people with dementia will sort things by shapes or textures. For some reason my dad would sit at the table and cut papers of any kind into squares and stack them. Day after day, for hours. We never knew why, he wasn’t very fast which was a blessing. My MIL liked to sort a box of buttons she had.

greenolive

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/71450/finding-something-for-her-to-do

I don't know if sweeping, dusting, wiping counters… things like that would be helpful? I mean, I could dust everyday at my house. It might help. Just a thought.

lenbury

I have recently found that having my wife help with meal prep has helped. Just grating cheese or peeling carrots has made her feel useful and involved.

M5M

as some have said, we try to go out with DH somewhere every day. It gets tedious, but always settles him and he then naps. We often go to the local convenience store! In our area it is7-11, they have a nice coffee bar where you can customize your beverage for much less $ than Starbucks. Also think Tim Horton, WaWa, etc.

Regarding folding towels….DH forgot how to fold, but sometimes can sort laundry, a less skilled task: mix in small items with towels and ask her to separate it all, especially if towels are one color and everything else different colors.

dakdoug

Thanks for all the responses, again I am looking for something for an active person that has major cognitive issues to do on her own for a while to allow me to do something else. I tried exercise dancing and she couldn't follow it but I have had some luck putting on an old country music streaming service and she two steps her way around the living room for a while, she still picks up leaves when it's not too cold to go outside, if she sees a dust bunny she will get down on the floor pick it up and search for more then proudly show me a palm full of dust, not the most hygienic pastime. I need to find something as in addition to allowing me to do other things she gets upset sitting frequently saying I can't just sit here all day

Victoriaredux

"I am looking for something for an active person that has major cognitive issues to do on her own for a while to allow me to do something else." sadly —if only— there is no work around the "major cognitive issues"— is there adult day care in your area - you could "sell" her attending that they could use volunteers [with her nursing background ]— or look into hiring a person to be with her - saying they are a friend that needs work - they could do housework but mainly the helper would be there as a companion so you can run errands , take a nap , breathe for a bit .

The other thing , she may still say : "I can't just sit here all day " after a 4 hour session walking or cleaning with you or a companion. It's difficult to not take what a PWD says at face value but sometimes they are in a loop and/or unaware. [Like saying "when is lunch?", with the crumbs still on their lips].

housefinch

Sadly, you have to find stuff for her to do now. Her task initiation (the executive functioning skill of choosing and starting an activity) is no longer working because of the brain damage of dementia.

dakdoug

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/231395#Comment_231395

Thanks for the response I am getting the message that I am looking for something that doesn't exist, if I hire a companion for her which is no problem financially we still need something for them to do