Apologies...

Nowhere

Our community is desperate for the reality check that we are not alone in our experiencing the heartbreaking horrors of Alzheimer’s. Thank you for sharing those horrible and ugly feelings so that we here do not feel totally alienated and isolated as this disease obliterates our loved one’s education, knowledge, wisdom, manners, memories, thoughts, personalities, hopes, and dreams and other essences of their “being”. That a moderator would ask someone who has suffered the loss of a loved one to Alzheimer’s to sugar coat and discredit their feelings and descriptions of emotions felt is 🤯. And almost as horrifying as the disease.

SDianeL

thank you all so much. Your support means so much to me. 💜

tigersmom

@SDianeL , no need to apologize. Heartbreaking and terrifying are the most appropriate words to describe this horrible disease. I am in stage 8, like you, and I share your pain.

AlzWife2023

@SDianeL you are appreciated! We’re all adults here & it’s the only place where we can come to share what only each other understands! Sometimes it’s tough. We all have our own journey. Sorry you were unfairly censored.

eaglemom

There are other message boards, but frankly and honestly I've never looked for them. The reason being we can be honest here. As has been stated, caregiving is terrifying and heartbreaking. You are telling / sharing your story. I'm sorry other forums were offended, clearly they aren't sharing the real truth of what 'true' caregiving is like.

Come here to share your knowledge and wisdom. Come here so we can help you navigate the next steps. Come here because we won't judge you but rather walk along side you because we do understand.

eagle

ALCB

Your posts have helped me and my family so much. I think those are two words that can at times describe the experiences we are all having, and do not think it was correct of the moderator to censor you on expressing your experiences. Thanks again

Vitruvius

I haven't posted for awhile as my DW is near the end and it is so very hard to deal with. She is 73 and in Stage 7f.

Any attempt to filter out the true emotional toll of being a caregiver to a dementia loved one does a great disservice to everyone who comes here for information and support. A caregiver in distress who comes here and doesn't see the level of anguish they themselves are experiencing might be inclined to think they are somehow inadequate or overreacting. This in turn might just cause an unjustified sense of failure and make their journey harder yet. It could also cause people to dismiss warning signs of behavior of their PWD that would benefit from outside intervention.

I feel all the things talked about here, I am terrified, I am heartbroken, I am horrified by what dementia has done to my wonderful wife. I think other forum members should know that these feelings are almost inevitable. For the lucky few whose PWD didn't invoke these feelings, I envy you, but don't deny the feelings of the rest of us.

Dutiful One

I don't post often but I read quite a bit. I appreciate your posts, SDianeL. We are in a terrifying and heartbreaking situation, and should not have to sugarcoat it or apologize for saying so.

I've looked into other groups, too. One is very limiting in what can be said or shared, such as vulgarity and swear words. I don't use "four letter words"—or at least I didn't. Despite trying hard to hold my tongue and my patience, I fail sometimes. Recently my husband was rambling on about something that had no relevance to anything, and he was drawing comparisons between someone long dead and what I was doing at the time. He does this often and I just nod and make non-committal reponses. Well, I was very stressed out and he was going on and on, and before I knew it, the words, "I don't give a sh*t!" flew out of my mouth. I was immediately shocked at myself and embarrassed and guilty for my response to him. It seems like lately the swear words have marched through my mind more and more often. I haven't shared the incident until now, but I can't imagine not feeling free to do so out of fear of being chastised.

In my opinion, you can use all the descriptive words you want.