Apologies...

Our community is desperate for the reality check that we are not alone in our experiencing the heartbreaking horrors of Alzheimer’s. Thank you for sharing those horrible and ugly feelings so that we here do not feel totally alienated and isolated as this disease obliterates our loved one’s education, knowledge, wisdom, manners, memories, thoughts, personalities, hopes, and dreams and other essences of their “being”. That a moderator would ask someone who has suffered the loss of a loved one to Alzheimer’s to sugar coat and discredit their feelings and descriptions of emotions felt is 🤯. And almost as horrifying as the disease.

I haven't posted for awhile as my DW is near the end and it is so very hard to deal with. She is 73 and in Stage 7f.

Any attempt to filter out the true emotional toll of being a caregiver to a dementia loved one does a great disservice to everyone who comes here for information and support. A caregiver in distress who comes here and doesn't see the level of anguish they themselves are experiencing might be inclined to think they are somehow inadequate or overreacting. This in turn might just cause an unjustified sense of failure and make their journey harder yet. It could also cause people to dismiss warning signs of behavior of their PWD that would benefit from outside intervention.

I feel all the things talked about here, I am terrified, I am heartbroken, I am horrified by what dementia has done to my wonderful wife. I think other forum members should know that these feelings are almost inevitable. For the lucky few whose PWD didn't invoke these feelings, I envy you, but don't deny the feelings of the rest of us.

SDianeL and forum mates, I am very late to this thread but have not been online much due to the "excitement" and "unpredictability" of Alzheimer's. Thank you everyone for saying exactly what I would have said in response to our wise and wonderful fellow member.

I have often said Alz is a heartbreaker and a homewrecker. No doubt about it. And like so many here, I have posted about some truly terrifying experiences, close calls, feelings and fears. The very best advice DH's neuropsych told us (me) upon diagnosis, was to join this forum to read and learn all I could about the disease and how to navigate what likely was in our future.

It was SO helpful to get a clear understanding from people who either had been, were currently, or would be (just like me and DH) facing one of the dementias and all that it brings. Members were always clear that not everyone has the same experiences, but it sure helped me to know what MIGHT be around the corner, and how to handle it if so.

Honestly, the unvarnished truth and openness about the reality that people here were dealing with helped me in two or three important ways immediately.

#1: It lit a fire under me to get our affairs in order asap (as much as possible). I was not in denial, just ignorant

#2: pointed out some potential problems that were indeed just about to wreak havoc in our little world

#3: gave me perspective, so it helped me appreciate small wins & joys, knowing that *isht was coming eventually.

Well, here in late Stage 7 there is no way I could or would pretend that Alzheimer's is not utterly terrifying, devastating, tragic, prolonged gut-wrenching torture, and the absolute worst way to end a marriage and a life. I actually believe we need to escalate that message. Especially after reading @Crushed 's post about the cruel (criminal!) games big-pharma and its support industries are playing in terms of a cure/s, it is time the horrific toll that dementias take on our PWD LOs and their families be brought firmly out of the closet. It is an insult to ask you to whisper about the reality or tippy-toe around it. Absolutely not. There needs to be more urgency in stopping the merry-go-round and providing REAL support for those with dementia and their caregivers. Thank you @SDianeL and all who posted on this.