Alzheimer’s with infidelity delusions

RetaMeta55

My DH has ongoing infidelity delusions. There are so many stories he comes up with of me being unfaithful I feel they are graphic and they are intensifying. Stories are of me being unfaithful with coworkers, contractors, neighbors, and even participating in a group. He claims I have been unfaithful our entire marriage which has been over 20 years. I am his third wife. First and second wives were unfaithful according to him. Yes I have discussed these delusions with his neurologist and he was briefly prescribed Seroquel as needed. I didn’t think this medication did any good. The other day DH was so so angry with me he said at one time he had a thought if he had a gun he would shoot me just like in the movie Shawshank Redemption. Unfortunately he has the capability to record movies in the wee hours while I am asleep. For him to even think this and to tell me made me very uneasy. Fortunately he doesn’t own a gun. Has anyone experienced this type of situation or anywhere near this?

charley0419

I’d tell Dr..

terei

This behavior is not unheard of for PWD. I would be very uneasy also. It is possible he needs a higher dose of Seroquel. Frankly, I think I would consider having him treated at a psych ward + on to a MC if possible. If he has the skills to record movies, he has the skill to plan to harm you. Clearly he believes you have wronged him + I would not trust for your safety.

housefinch

Agree with @terei that this sounds really worrisome. Please put your safety first and have a charger and charged cell phone in your pocket always and a safety plan in place (eg a safe place you can go to be away from him so you can call 911). He could harm you because of anger over these delusions. Occasionally you see headlines about this. The solution is: 911, he goes to ER, he is transferred to a geriatric psychiatric inpatient facility and then placed in memory care after he is stabilized. No memory care will accept him with his current behavior, so I would really encourage you to get him admitted anyway because this unsafe behavior WILL be an obstacle if you need to place him in a crisis.

easy23

My mother used to have infidelity delusions about my father and sister, whom she lived with. She was put on risperidone which calmed her down a little, but didn't stop the delusions. We wound up placing her in MC to get her away from the supposed situation.

Victoriaredux

from : https://keltymentalhealth.ca/r/quetiapine-seroquelr-seroquel-xrr

"Quetiapine[Seroquel] is usually prescribed to be taken regularly, but it is sometimes taken on an 'as needed' basis. Some improvements may be seen within 1 to 2 weeks. It can take up to 6 weeks to see the full benefits of the medication."

From your posts it seems you may be letting him set the tone and it sounds like it could be very dangerous for you both since he is no longer mentally dependable.

Hopefully he is no longer driving or handling money but with his behaviors and your response ["I know I should walk away from this or try to change the subject and it is so so hard for me not to get so upset. I need some healthy coping skill other than my anger. "] I think pursuing the above suggestion to get him in for a geri-psych stay is a good one.

Have you talked to the Alz Assoc social workers? They can help you on how to approach him. It can feel like betrayal when you throw your lot in with someone and then they become almost another person but it is due to their disease .And to that being accused of behaviors…. Which leaves you with the care giving and no full partner. Double suck.

Think safety first . Things can change fast and your situation sounds volatile.

"The Alzheimer’s Association is here all day, every day for people facing Alzheimer’s and other dementia through our free 24/7 Helpline (800.272.3900). Talk to a dementia expert now and get confidential emotional support, local resources, crisis assistance and information in over 200 languages. It's ok if you don't know where to start. Just give us a call and we'll guide you from there."

BPS

My wife has those delusions about me. After she went to memory care she changed the person I was supposedly having an affair with to one of the other residents. She started thinking the other resident was going to kill her. we started her on medication and it has lessened the emotion of the delusion and she has not talked about the other resident trying to kill her but she still has most of the same delusions just less intense. I go along with most of her strange ideas, and have apologized for some things I didn't do but I can't see any upside to going along with this delusion. She cheated on me years ago so when she accuses me I want to say it is because she cheated on me, and I have, but never to a positive outcome. I have tried changing the subject of leaving the room for any reason and those things have helped, but it is very hard. I agree with the others that making sure you are safe is the most important thing at this point. I think anything that will help could also have bad affects too, like worsening the dementia symptoms. I would be interested in hearing from others if this is always the case.

harshedbuzz

I am so sorry you're living this nightmare. You've already gotten a lot of excellent advice around personal safety.

Sadly, this topic comes up a lot. My dad suffered with similar delusions; the punchline in his accusations was that's he'd been the unfaithful partner in the marriage and that it dredged up all those long-suppressed memories for his caregiving wife. IME, mom defending herself only served to agitate him further as he considered her a liar and a cheat. My uncle and I could jolly him out of it by laying on what a hot and desirable man he was and such. But I wasn't always available to throw water on this fire.

Seroquel "as needed" in this situation demonstrates a concerning lack of understanding on the part of the neurologist. Dad's neurologist was great around the diagnostic process, but we left the psychoactive medications to the specialists in this area— a geriatric psychiatrist. Seroquel can take 2-4 weeks to reach peak effectiveness in a patient. Unless you have ESP and can anticipate your DH's next meltdown at least 2 weeks out, Seroquel "as needed" is never going to butter the biscuit.

There are 2 ways to access a geripsych— one would be making an appointment which could take some time. The other would be to have your DH transported to the ER for admission to a geripsych unit for medication management.

Please take the safety warnings seriously. A man in the next county killed his wife with a blunt object over vet bills last winter after the son removed his firearms. When my dad started with murder suicide ideation, we had him in MC within the week.

HB

jsps139_

I would think Seroquel “as needed” should be a daily regimen in his case. Please take the advice and get help for your safety. There are so many items in the household that could be used as weapons. If he already threatened you, it’s time to seek help. I’m so very sorry you are dealing with this frightening situation.

MN Chickadee

A couple in my state was found dead recently in some kind of murder suicide, and given their age I have a hunch dementia played a roll. It can happen, so don't take risks lightly. When their mind fails them that much they can lash out and hurt their caregivers. The meds can take time to build up and work, so as needed may never help. If you feel unsafe I would first communicate that to whatever doctor of his you have the best relationship with and see if they can help expedite a visit with a geriatric psychiatrist. They are the best physician equipped to tinker with these meds for dementia patients. If not, inpatient via the emergency room may be necessary. If you want more info on what that looks like perhaps start a new thread with that title as some people here have had to go that route. Inpatient must be in a geriatric psych ward where they have doctors and nurses who specialize in dementia and getting people stable. Please take care and protect yourself.

Rosit2024

I didn’t realize this was a symptom. He repeatedly accused me of having a relationship with someone we barely know - who we see once a year at a big event. We have been married 39 years. I confronted him and said I have never been unfaithful. He hasn’t repeated it recently but I worried he might see this person in the community and accuse him.

midge333

It is a common delusion for dementia patients.