Alzheimer’s with infidelity delusions

I’d tell Dr..

Agree with @terei that this sounds really worrisome. Please put your safety first and have a charger and charged cell phone in your pocket always and a safety plan in place (eg a safe place you can go to be away from him so you can call 911). He could harm you because of anger over these delusions. Occasionally you see headlines about this. The solution is: 911, he goes to ER, he is transferred to a geriatric psychiatric inpatient facility and then placed in memory care after he is stabilized. No memory care will accept him with his current behavior, so I would really encourage you to get him admitted anyway because this unsafe behavior WILL be an obstacle if you need to place him in a crisis.

I am so sorry you're living this nightmare. You've already gotten a lot of excellent advice around personal safety.

Sadly, this topic comes up a lot. My dad suffered with similar delusions; the punchline in his accusations was that's he'd been the unfaithful partner in the marriage and that it dredged up all those long-suppressed memories for his caregiving wife. IME, mom defending herself only served to agitate him further as he considered her a liar and a cheat. My uncle and I could jolly him out of it by laying on what a hot and desirable man he was and such. But I wasn't always available to throw water on this fire.

Seroquel "as needed" in this situation demonstrates a concerning lack of understanding on the part of the neurologist. Dad's neurologist was great around the diagnostic process, but we left the psychoactive medications to the specialists in this area— a geriatric psychiatrist. Seroquel can take 2-4 weeks to reach peak effectiveness in a patient. Unless you have ESP and can anticipate your DH's next meltdown at least 2 weeks out, Seroquel "as needed" is never going to butter the biscuit.

There are 2 ways to access a geripsych— one would be making an appointment which could take some time. The other would be to have your DH transported to the ER for admission to a geripsych unit for medication management.

Please take the safety warnings seriously. A man in the next county killed his wife with a blunt object over vet bills last winter after the son removed his firearms. When my dad started with murder suicide ideation, we had him in MC within the week.

HB

A couple in my state was found dead recently in some kind of murder suicide, and given their age I have a hunch dementia played a roll. It can happen, so don't take risks lightly. When their mind fails them that much they can lash out and hurt their caregivers. The meds can take time to build up and work, so as needed may never help. If you feel unsafe I would first communicate that to whatever doctor of his you have the best relationship with and see if they can help expedite a visit with a geriatric psychiatrist. They are the best physician equipped to tinker with these meds for dementia patients. If not, inpatient via the emergency room may be necessary. If you want more info on what that looks like perhaps start a new thread with that title as some people here have had to go that route. Inpatient must be in a geriatric psych ward where they have doctors and nurses who specialize in dementia and getting people stable. Please take care and protect yourself.

It is a common delusion for dementia patients.

Have similar situation. My SO has also accussed me of being unfaithful and everytime I do something he doesnt like he brings it up. Each time his story gets more elaborate. He's also told so many people that we now have no friends and our neighbors whom we have gotten on well with over the years keep a distance making this journey even more isolating. I tried countering his accusations and I found it caused me more stress. Every time he accuses me now I just pick up my phone and keys and go for a 1-2hr walk. However, doing this twice a week during winter wasnt so great.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I would call your attorney and his neurologist about this behavior and find out what you can do. You need to take over all finances now and get his medication adjusted.

I contacted all banks, credit card companies , and brokerage firm. If any charges or money goes in or out of his account, I get a text or email immediately. I would do this as well. You cannot trust him at all when it comes to finances. If he has access to your accounts or joint accounts, you need to protect those.