Having a baby in six weeks, dad is declining

machelriller

I moved my dad into memory care a little over a year ago. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but he adjusted amazingly well. I moved him a few states away to be near me and I see him a few times a week. The MC he is in is really nice, the staff are amazing and I feel really lucky. But I don’t have any other local family so all of the responsibility is on me.

I’m 36 and my wife and I (both F) wanted to have kids. I’m pregnant and due in 6 weeks. After a year of smooth sailing with my dad, he has had some major declines in the last month and I am freaking out. He has been depressed, started exit-seeking, becoming paranoid, and yesterday he made sexual comments directed at my wife. He’s never done any of this before. He’s been an easy and relatively happy dementia patient for the last year. Now that I’m about to have a baby, he’s having his worst decline yet.

I’m just venting… this is just feeling impossible. Has anyone else had a baby while dealing with a parent with dementia? The children of the other residents in my dads MC are all decades older than me.

SusanB-dil

First - congrats on baby! That'll be quite an adjustment, as I'm sure you know, but an amazing one.

On dad - should make sure it isn't a UTI, or any other new infection or something else going on. Also, MIL is on meds for depression, and this is without becoming zombied. Might want to check into that with his doc.

Sorry about his decline. Some may be inevitable, but some of the depression, paranoia, and even some aggression could be dialed back.

Emily 123

Hi—agree with Susan,

Checking for an underlying cause and med adjustment would be helpful. Mainly, it's important to not feel guilty about the choices you have to make as your lives move forward, and I'm sure your 'old' dad would agree with that. You're doing a great job in keeping him safe and cared for.

You'll have less time to keep an eye on dad's day-to -day, but his progression will continue, and there's not much you can do about that. For your peace of mind, consider if you might want to set up something where an aide could drop in once or twice a week to engage with him and report back to you.

machelriller

Thank you, Susan and Emily. I will definitely discuss depression or anxiety meds with his care team. I’ve thought about an aide and it might be time for that too.