Did I Give Up Too Soon?

Rachel13

Following a violent outburst (mom attacked her in home caregiver) when she had a UTI, I made the difficult decision to place mom in MC. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks. She is more lucid than the other residents in her MC, but 'loops' verbally a lot, and it is clear that there's significant decline within the past 3 months. I am having issues with guilt. My husband and I both have to work full time to keep a roof over our heads, so cannot be full time caregivers, and mom thinks he former caregivers were stealing from her. I felt like the only way to keep her safe was to place her in MC where they know how to deal with her behaviors. During her episode, she accused me of stealing from her, and told doctors that we abused her... it was humiliating and hurtful. I recognize that is the disease and not reality, but it still ripped open many scars from my childhood. Now, I'm wondering if I moved her to MC too soon... should I have tried harder to keep her in our home? Should I have handled things differently? How on earth can anyone be sure that we are doing the right thing for our LOs?

jehjeh

It sounds like your mom needs more care than a solitary caregican give. It's probably the safest thing for everyone for her to be in MC. I know how difficult it is to come to this decision. My father had to be in MC years ago when he became too difficult for my mom to continue caring for him. We all felt guilt at first but once he began to think of it as home he settled in well.

It sounds like you're doing all you can to take good care of your mom. Sometimes we just have to trust our instincts.

Emily 123

I don't think you were jumping the gun—maybe the UTI helped you make the decision. Even a tractable person with dementia requires constant 'eyes on' and interactions. One of the hard parts about the caregiving is that there's always going to be second guessing and feelings of guilt—that's the nature of making decisions for your person when they lose the ability to chart their own path. There's a lot of family dynamics to contend with too. I think you made a good decision, and I'm sure your mom would agree if she weren't affected by the disease. It may take a few more weeks for her to rebound from the effects of the UTI, and she'll also be using a lot of her resources to acclimate to the new routine. It took my mom about 6 weeks to know the environment and 3 months to have a routine, but YMMV.

easy23

You did the right thing by placing your mom in MC. Everyone feels guilty and questions if it was too early. Just trust that you did the right thing.

SusanB-dil

Hi Rachel13 - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

Agree you did fine. I see a lot of guilt feelings about displacing our LO. You didn't move her, 'this' horrid disease did.

Look at it this way... mom has 24/7 care and you will always be her advocate, but can more be the caring daughter and not just worried about the caregiving.