New to All of This

michellelynn5

Hello, I am a 30 year old female daughter of a mother who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's on 12/20/24. I have known something was wrong and have been fighting for this diagnosis for over a year and now she is already in the moderate/middle stage of Alzheimers. This entire world is new to me and I just gave up my career temporarily to provide my mother the best care possible in her time of need. Caregiver support groups and any other resources would be great, as we did not have the best rmother/daughter relationship when I was a child and now I will be parenting her essentially, so I am feeling a lot of emotions just wrapping my head around everything. One brother is incarcerated & one is not very involved so all caregiving will fall upon me and my dad, but their relationship is strained also. Not sure if this even had a point but I feel better just getting this out to people who understand how I am feeling. processing a lot of emotions.

harshedbuzz

@michellelynn5

HI and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

Is there some reason why your dad can't provide the bulk of caregiving on his own? Does he have physical disability or a cognitive shift as well? Stepping out of your career at 30 could have negative consequences for you going forward. A person recently diagnosed with dementia has the potential to need care for a decade or more. This comes at a critical point in your life when you should be securing your own future, building a career and relationships. Being a dementia caregiver will isolate you and rob you of the future you'd envisioned for yourself.

There's a lot of good information for new caregivers here

New Caregiver Help — ALZConnected

Good luck.
HB

mabelgirl

I agree that it may not be wise for you to take on this role. Do you think your mother would want you to sacrifice your life for her care? I advocate that how a PWD is cared for needs to be a decision considering the entire family’s needs not just the PWD. I can understand the feeling of responsibility to care for mom but it’s not the only to get her care and still fulfill your sense of responsibility. Your dad is foremost responsible for your mom’s care. Legally he would be the one most would look to , to decide your mother’s care. Please have a conversation with your dad on developing an appropriate plan for the family. Prayers for wisdom.

H1235

I agree with the others. An AL facility can offer the opportunity to interact with others her own age. Since meals are usually served in a dining room, there is a reason to get dressed each day. When my mom lived with my brother she didn’t bother to get dressed most days. Often times people with dementia don’t want to accept help or be cared offered by a loved one. A pwd can become angry, argumentative and defiant. This is very hard. My mom blames me for everything. Sleep disturbances are not uncommon and may limit not just her sleep, but yours. Staff at a facility are able to interact without hurt feeling, they work a shift and are able to relax and recharge before the next day. A person with dementia may refuse help in the shower or toileting. A good facility will have staff that have been trained in how to interact with your lo and get them to accept help. Before making this decision I would recommend learning all you can about dementia. In this site there are groups there is one for new caregivers. I would suggest reading the staging tool and also understanding the dementia experience. You need to know what to expect.