DH says he feels worthless

Elaine2

It breaks my heart when he told me he feels worthless because he can’t do the things he used to do. I reaffirmed the things he’s doing right but that’s not enough. He still says he feels useless and good for nothing.🥲

trottingalong

My DH feels the same and often tells me. He’s almost 81, I’m 68. Besides the dementia, he has copd. It’s hard for him to see me doing everything. He always says “you poor thing.” And I know I would feel the same in his shoes. It is heartbreaking.

CampCarol

My husband does this frequently…calls himself worthless and even worse, stupid or an idiot. He knows he has something wrong with his brain, and him being aware of this has made it worse. Someone wrote a while back that they wished for just a little bit of anosognosia sometimes, and I have to agree. Once in a while, he can be very lucid on a few topics; this morning he told me God had foresaken him because why else would he have so many things wrong with him? He cried and so did I. ☹️

Karen711

Even with Anosognosia my wife has an awareness that she is not the same person she used to be. Though she has vehemently denied in the past that she has any kind of cognitive issue, she often says she is stupid, or, “she has nothing” when she observes me fully functioning around the house or with others. It’s crushing!

White Crane

Elaine2, I'm so sorry. This is hard for both of you. My DH is in MC but he still rubs his hand across his forehead at times and says sadly that he can't do anything anymore. My usual reply is to acknowledge his sadness and worry and try to redirect him to something we can do together such as singing familiar songs or playing rummy.

jehjeh

Im so glad to see this thread. It means I'm not the only one hearing this. Hubby tells me he doesn't know how I can love him because he's just a worthless pile of s...

Heartbreaking!

SDianeL

yes it’s heartbreaking to hear them say that. I found my husband did that when he was anxious. I would tell him how much I loved him and that I would always be there for him. It seemed to calm him. When he was in memory care and not communicating very much, one day he looked at me and said “we’ll get through this” and I said yes honey we will. By then he didn’t know what “this” was but he knew I loved him.

Elaine2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/234345#Comment_234345

Same. I hear repeated I love yous which leads to me repeating my I love yous to him. Seems to need that reassurance over and over.

DWTired

Same here….so sad….My DH just said that this morning! SDianeL, thanks for saying anxiety may cause this…because he was anxious about something not going the way he thought….even tho his actions caused it to go off track….In my explaining some changes…..he got upset very quickly!! and didn't want to talk anymore…Also may be some fear of whats going on in his head. Just sooo sad…..I reassure him he's not useless and I love him. He went back to sleep…so maybe when he wakes he will have forgotten…….🥲

Biggles

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/71814/dh-says-he-feels-worthless

It’s heartbreaking my DH came to me and said just before Christmas - “everything is broken, nothing works anymore” I didn’t know what to say I felt so sad, we held each other tight and I silently cried my eyes out.

Carl46

DW says she's "worthless" too, and says it isn't fair that I have to do all the work. I ask her to do little things for me and it helps a little, but she's very aware that I am the caretaker and she is the person cared for. When we came home this evening I asked her to carry the takeout box with a little dab of leftover chicken while I carried a wad of used Kleenex and something else. I tossed the Kleenex into the trash bin when we passed it, and she did the same with the chicken. Of course, I just left it there and went into the house. At least she got to help.