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DH says he feels worthless

Elaine2
Elaine2 Member Posts: 9
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

It breaks my heart when he told me he feels worthless because he can’t do the things he used to do. I reaffirmed the things he’s doing right but that’s not enough. He still says he feels useless and good for nothing.🥲

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  • trottingalong
    trottingalong Member Posts: 493
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    My DH feels the same and often tells me. He’s almost 81, I’m 68. Besides the dementia, he has copd. It’s hard for him to see me doing everything. He always says “you poor thing.” And I know I would feel the same in his shoes. It is heartbreaking.

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 1,144
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    yes it’s heartbreaking to hear them say that. I found my husband did that when he was anxious. I would tell him how much I loved him and that I would always be there for him. It seemed to calm him. When he was in memory care and not communicating very much, one day he looked at me and said “we’ll get through this” and I said yes honey we will. By then he didn’t know what “this” was but he knew I loved him.

  • Elaine2
    Elaine2 Member Posts: 9
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/234345#Comment_234345

    Same. I hear repeated I love yous which leads to me repeating my I love yous to him. Seems to need that reassurance over and over.

  • DWTired
    DWTired Member Posts: 51
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    Same here….so sad….My DH just said that this morning! SDianeL, thanks for saying anxiety may cause this…because he was anxious about something not going the way he thought….even tho his actions caused it to go off track….In my explaining some changes…..he got upset very quickly!! and didn't want to talk anymore…Also may be some fear of whats going on in his head. Just sooo sad…..I reassure him he's not useless and I love him. He went back to sleep…so maybe when he wakes he will have forgotten…….🥲

  • Biggles
    Biggles Member Posts: 244
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/71814/dh-says-he-feels-worthless

    It’s heartbreaking my DH came to me and said just before Christmas - “everything is broken, nothing works anymore” I didn’t know what to say I felt so sad, we held each other tight and I silently cried my eyes out.

  • Carl46
    Carl46 Member Posts: 378
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    DW says she's "worthless" too, and says it isn't fair that I have to do all the work. I ask her to do little things for me and it helps a little, but she's very aware that I am the caretaker and she is the person cared for. When we came home this evening I asked her to carry the takeout box with a little dab of leftover chicken while I carried a wad of used Kleenex and something else. I tossed the Kleenex into the trash bin when we passed it, and she did the same with the chicken. Of course, I just left it there and went into the house. At least she got to help.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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