Day 10

fmb

Day 10.

Doing laundry. I tried to sort the clothes and came to the black sweater I wore to the visitation and funeral. I can still smell the scents of the people who hugged me and showed me such love. I held it close and cried like a baby. Then I carefully folded it and put it away unwashed. It seems that now that the anxiety has abated a bit, the grief is rushing in like a flood to fill the void.

(Breathe in, breathe out)

I need to be pulling together paperwork for my attorney to defend the will and the direct beneficiary designations, but I just sit here paralyzed by grief.

(Breathe in, breathe out.)

I have to go through the drawer of his mementos today because his daughters have contacted my attorney and are demanding them immediately. I am trying very hard to forgive them for their words and actions, especially their behavior at the funeral and burial. God help me!

(Breathe in, breathe out)

People keep telling me how strong I am. If only they knew!

Quilting brings calm

Just do what you can when you can. There will be days you can do more and others you can’t do anything. As to the estate: I took a notebook and made a note of everything I did as I did it ( or a day or so later). There’s lots of things that take multiple calls and weeks to actually happen.

I suggest you take photos of the mementos you are giving them. I have a feeling you aren’t legally required to give them a thing - but it’s just the best way to get them out of your hair for a while.

I will admit that we did deal with my step-dad’s and then my mom’s mementos fairly quickly. For my step-dad’s, it was combination of needing to move mom to a smaller apartment at the AL and the same as you - step-siblings I needed out of my hair. Didn’t really help because we still had to explain in plain language what a will meant.
For mom, it was because we needed to clear everything out of the AL apartment that we were paying $4700 a month for. The step-siblings didn’t want any of her stuff- but they’ve already asked how the estate is progressing. I am not looking forward to trying to make them understand how little there is.

fmb

Thank you for your sound advice, @Quilting brings calm . I spent all day on the project and now have two boxes mostly containing unidentified photos. I did not take pictures; it would have been too difficult with the quantity involved. Because I inherited all of his personal effects in the will, I technically do not have to give them any of it. I kept very little, only what had meaning to me. No matter what I give them, they will complain. I would like to hand off the boxes either through the attorney or at a safe place (like the police department). I may see if my neighbor would be willing to come with me to actually hand over the boxes while I stay in the car. I do not want to have to speak to them or ever hear or see them ever again. I have directed that all communication be through my attorney. Yes, it is costing me money, but it is worth it to not have to take the abuse.

Quilting brings calm

@fmb

I totally understand your reluctance to see them- it’s just so upsetting and you don’t need that. I’ve had numerous sleepless nights about mom and step-dad’s estates because of my siblings and step-siblings- and there’s just so little there to have that happen. I’m trying to decide if I just mail them all checks and send no explanations or if I see the step-siblings ( they are local) and tell them that most of their check will be a gift from me because my mom’s joint checking account had my name on it. I’m splitting it among us all but I don’t have to and the lawyer says it’s a gift.

GothicGremlin

@fmb - I am so sorry you're going through this. You don't need any of this. I totally get you about just doing a hand off in a safe place where you don't have to interact with any of these people.

I essentially did the same thing with my brother. I gave him his share of Peggy's things and money (which was what he cared about), and then I was gone. I'm waiting for the year to be up - I'm calling it April because that's when I had everything in hand. When April comes and goes, I'll block him on social media, my phone, and my email.