Mom berates dad

DSDK

my dad is trying to care for my mom. She hasn’t been diagnosed but we are all sure she has dimentia and with that paranoia. She accuses him of having a girlfriend and says very mean nasty things to him and gets very angry at him. What kind of advise do you have for my dad who is trying to do the best he can.

Quilting brings calm

Medication for your mom to control her agitation and paranoia. Education for your dad- if you look in groups, there’s a new member discussion that has good beginner information. Frequent breaks for your dad- time to just be himself.
Would he join caring for a spouse sub-forum? It has several husbands caring for their spouses.

H1235

I aggre with QBC. Medication may help. I would also recommend looking at the group for new caregivers.

https://alzconnected.org/group/32-new-caregiver-help

The staging tool is very helpful and the understanding the dementia experience is also good. How you interact with a person with dementia can also make a world of difference. It’s hard to get used to but just letting them believe they are right about everything and never arguing is key. There is a do and don’t for dementia that might be helpful. I would give him breaks whenever you can. It might also be helpful to consider a plan B if it gets to a point that your dad just can’t do it. There can be a waiting list at facilities. We kind of expect that our loved one with dementia will eventually forget who we are, but that they will come to hate us and accuse us of horrible things is mentally and emotionally very difficult.

Kenny727

In the same boat. My Mom was "okay"(-ish) for a few years with the usual memory issues but has lately plummeted into full-on paranoia/delusions/hallucinations. She actively HATES my father (her husband) for much of each day with small respites when she simply zones out. I and my brothers are at our wit's end since there is no money to get her the care she actually needs/could use and everyone who is attempting to help has become her "enemy." No idea what to do other than to keep taking her back to her doctor and begging for more and more powerful drugs to try and level her out but I'm not hopeful.