feeling sadness and panic and heartbreak seeing my mom like this

lovemymomsomuch

She was failing at home, seeing things, getting a bit dangerous, not able to care for herself etc so we were lucky to get her in a home. She has not liked it, tried to escape, fought a little bit to get out, but then got weaker so not as mobile. She has been going downhill so fast. She is weak and crying and moaning. They think she is in pain maybe so started a needle today because she wouldnt take her regular meds. She is hard to make out but sometimes she can speak a bit and begs to be taken home, get me out of here, i don't want to die here, please please. It is breaking me apart. Today it seemed she wasn't fed, i gave her a bit of pudding and some pop which lit her eyes up temporarily. But the new pain needle she got is making her tired. I feel so helpless and I miss being able to talk to her. My dad is thinking of taking her home, he feels so bad for her cries, but it wasn't good there before she left. Saw my dad cry today, only the 3rd time i ever saw that and never that hard. Please tell me i will be ok if/when she passes. Im devastated my bloodpressure is high, , i feel guilt, i love my mom so much.

hiya

I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Know what you are feeling is normal in these circumstances. Seeing your mum and dad struggle in different ways is emotional. Not know what is going to happen is very hard. Whatever happens, it’s going to be hard but you will be ok. Time can be healing. My dad had vascular dementia. Seeing him after a fall in hospital was soooo hard. He had agitation etc. When I think of him now, I see him with a big smile on his face. It took a while.
Stay with this site for support whenever you need it. The people on here have experience and give good advice. There is also a 24 hour help line that you can call and speak with someone. This online family is here for you.
Praying for your mum, you and your family.

sandwichone123

You will be ok, but it is ok to reach out for help now, as dementia can last for a long time (median time after diagnosis is 10 years, although younger-onset tends to go faster). You might consider finding a counselor that is familiar with dementia to support you with your continuing loss.