New To Forum. Mom has UTI that has progressed dementia symptoms

Penn34

Hi all. I'm 34 & I've been my mom's primary caregiver since I was 22. For the past decade, she's had some memory problems (misplacing things, forgetting what day it is, forgetting how to navigate some driving routes, forgetting there's a boiling pan on the stove). Yet this was always managable with my help until recently.

Last month, things took a took for the worst when my 69 year old mom saw me as a threat that was working against her with my Dad, who has been dead for almost 13 years. I was kicked out of the home we both live in & ended up staying with my second oldest nephew for a few days. My older brother, who was on vacation with his girlfriend, had to come back into town early and eventually take my moms car keys and gun. My older sister, who lives out of state, had to try & calm my mother down over the phone for days while me and my siblings tried to figure out what was wrong.

I contacted the Alzhemier's Association and they suggested my mom get checked out for a urinary tract infection since that can progress dementia symptoms.After a few days, we tricked my mom into going to a doctor at a hospital. There, she was diagnoised with a urinary tract infection and kidney problems and told to take antibotics & drink plenty of water.

One month later, she has both good days and bad. These past few days have been bad b/c she keeps bringing up my dead dad, misplacing things, and feeling threatened enough to want another gun. It is a struggle to keep her hydrated. I have tried to be patient with her, but I ended up locking myself in room door my safety & saying "Whatever." when she brings up my dead dad or thinks his ghost has taken her things.

I am so tired and feeling so alone.

SusanB-dil

Hi Penn34 - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

You are not alone. Many of us are dealing with the agitation and anger. There are meds to dial that back. If you feel threatened when with her, please do call 9-1-1. Tell them of the dementia, and have her taken to geriatric-psych facility!! They would be most qualified to tweak the proper meds and get that anger settled down.

Next - is paperwork in place? DPOA and HIPAA accesses very important. If not, you may have to seek guardianship, which is more involved. You can check with a CLEC lawyer (specializing in elder care) for the next steps if you need to.

She's blessed to have you watching out for her for this long, and so young. But yeah, it bites!!

goodsoldier

I so sorry to learn of your situation, as I have faced the same issues with the parent I live with and care for. UTIs that lead to serious behavioral problems in dementia patients happen so easily. As you mentioned, keeping your mother hydrated will help, but if she doesn't like water, you could try juices or nutrition drinks. All you can do is offer liquids and also, if possible, make sure she's not sleeping excessively. Sleeping a lot equals time not hydrating.

I wish I had the answers to give you as to manage her behavior now. I am the target for every bit of hostility, irritation, and dissatisfaction the parent I care for can offer. It stinks, and even though you will hear from other caregivers and experts that "the dementia patient doesn't know what he or she is doing/saying, etc." that doesn't mean it hurts any less to be treated like garbage. In my own fun life, my parent is as kind and charming as can be to everyone else. That behavior can also be a part of dementia.

I am glad to know your siblings are helping you (and yes, secure the guns and any other weapons!). I want you to know that despite the situation you're in, you're not alone in your struggles. The Alzheimer's Association hotline has been there for me via their hotline. Keep them in mind. Take care of yourself--you are a caring and loving daughter. You are doing the best you can, and that's all you can do.

Penn34

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/240232#Comment_240232

Thank you for the kind words. My older sister and I are in the process of trying to get a formal dementia/Alzheimer's diagnosis for my mother; hate how we can't get an immediate appointment with her primary care provider. We just got POA/HIPAA paperwork done though.

And for some reason, my brother has ghosted me and my older sister in the past few days despite the fact that he is the only other person who lives in the state with my mom. I've been exasperated by that, even though I know he is going through his own problems right now.