Frustrated That My Mom Won't Acknowledge Health Problems

Penn34

I've been my mom's caregiver from 2013 (age 22) to now (age 34) . Right now, she has multiple health conditions colliding with each other: early dementia symptoms (currently trying to get a formal diagnosis), depression, dehydration, kidney problems. The depression isn't new to me or my siblings, but the other health problems are.

She has not only refused to get help for her depression, but refuses to see that something is off with her mind (the dementia symptoms, esp. delusions, forgetting & misplacing things) even when it has recently put my and her safety at risk.

Whenever I try to tell her to do something like reminding her to drink water, taking me with her when she goes out (she drives but I don't), or suggest she see a therapist, she thinks I'm trying to be her parent, gets mad, or sometimes cries like a child. She does the same thing with my sister (she lives long distance but provides financial and emotional support and visits every month).

Her depression is so bad that she has little appetite, is always cold, and is sometimes suicidal. And now, with the dementia symptoms, she blames her misplacement of things on my dead Dad by insisting he is alive and "messing with her" . She also accuses me of either taking her things or "his side".

My sister was willing to pay $8000 for a series of special treatment plans that would've figured out and catered to my mom's needs. My mom doesn't want the treatments.

My brother (who lives long distance in the same state as me & my mom) had the idea of driving my mom to my sister's for a month to give me a break as a caregiver. My mom doesn't want to go to my sister's unless we sell the house and move to Virginia to live with her. Selling the house has its own problems since we have a lot of stuff we'd need to get rid of.

I am frustrated that my mom expects her kids to help her, but won't do anything to help herself.