The Move to Memory Care is Here

CampCarol

So after over 4 weeks in Rehab for his knee and 5 weeks in a Geri Psych unit, my husband is finally being moved to Memory Care tomorrow. This facility wasn't my first, second or even third choice, but nobody wanted him! He went through multiple care assessments, and they all basically said "we don't think he's a good fit for our community". It's been heartbreaking. I know I've previously read here that some places will "cherry pick" their residents, and I'm here to say that's exactly what happened to us. He's definitely a stage 6 now, Alzheimer's and Lewy Body. All I want to do is bring him home, but all clinical advice is against that.

I am trying not to freak out, but preparing his new room over the past few days has just shattered me. I thought I had accepted all of this, but apparently I have not. I know that many of you have loved ones that have transitioned to a new environment successfully, and I am trying to be positive here. But I know now there's no light at the end of this tunnel, and the Cavalry is not coming to save us. I'm not sure how I will get through tomorrow and the next few days (they want me to hold off visiting), but I will do my best to be there for him. TY all for your ongoing support.

Carl46

I hear you, CC. My wife is in my first choice of MC and adjusting well, but I still hate it. It's the best for both of us, but I hate the necessity.

Lewy Body is a bear. A friend placed her husband with LBD after he knocked out her front teeth and did some other things that weren't very nice. You are doing the right thing.

charley0419

my heart aches for you all. I can’t imagine this happening to anyone. I pray for you all. I cherish everyday I have with my wife especially after her these stories

wose

Oh Goodness, sending you strength, comfort and some peaceful moments. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. Of course we all know it’s for the best, but how to wrap your heart around that is just enormous. I am so very sorry you’re at this point. Hugs💕💜

l7pla1w2

My DW hits the four week mark in MC tomorrow. The anticipation was hard, and I worried a lot during the final week that I wouldn't be able to get her moved in, that she would at some point resist. But the ruse I employed ("we're going for a short vacation") worked, and the move-in went smoothly.

The days that immediately followed felt weird, but I had an immense sense of relief. It had become increasingly difficult for me to take care of her, and I was reaching the limit of what I thought I could handle. I could breathe, relax, plan my own time. Four weeks on, I think I'm doing okay, but the visits are hard. DW wants to know when she's going home, and it feels wrong to have to sneak away from her at the end of a visit.

I wish you an easy transition. No guilt. You're doing what you have to do for both of you.

SDianeL

you are doing this for him, not to him. Praying for a smooth transition for him and for your strength. I’ve been where you are. Sending love and hugs. 💜

Jgirl57

(((HUGS)))

Traveler18

Hugs to you! This is really, really hard. Take tomorrow one hour at a time and breathe. As SDianeL notes, you are doing this FOR him. He will have the care and support needed 24x7 which is so hard to do at home even without the complexities of LBD. I am 7-weeks post-transition from moving my DH to MC. I waited over a week for my first visit (after they got him out and back to the MC wing ok the day before) and over another week for the second visit. He hasn't asked about going home since the first visit. He has moved from not liking me (doesn't like whoever provides personal hygiene care) to knowing me and being excited to see me again. I know every person and transition is different. Not all is going A-ok in our case (still resisting hygiene care) but it is getting better! I have high hopes for more settling in during month 3. I wish you a smooth transition with the benefits of the village to help with the care.

Biggles

Oh God my heart breaks at the thought. I sort of know it’s for the best but I don’t want it to happen. I wish you all the best for the transition and the future. Sending hugs and strength.

harshedbuzz

Good luck today.

I hope you have someone who can be with you this evening as you process the realities of the day.

My dad didn't end up in mom's first choice based on his diagnosis. It wasn't my first choice either. But we couldn't have asked for better care. I hope this is true for you as well.

HB

M5M

CC, we all share in the anxiety and stress of this placement. Come back today and tonight and tomorrow, let us know the steps of your day. We care deeply for you.

midge333

I placed my DW 5 months ago. It was the worst day of my life. One of my best friends helped me move her in and then he took me out for lunch. It does get easier. I visit her every day. I can't wait to see her every morning and at the same time I dread the visit. Another example of the ambiguity of this dreaded disease…

Jazzma

CC, placing my DH in memory care over a year ago was the hardest thing I've ever done. I kept trying to bring him back home, unsuccessfully. It broke my heart. A year into it, his meds had been adjusted and he had progressed to the point that I was able to bring him back. It's been two months at home now and, with the addition of hospice, it's livable.

All this to say that nothing is permanent with this disease. It may give you comfort. Also, my husband's MC allowed me to bring in a double bed so I was occasionally able to spend the night with him.

Sending you hugs, warm thoughts, and encouragement. Please do keep us informed, and know that everyone here is rooting for you.

CampCarol

Update: Today was rough, but I managed. The Geri-Psych transfer was almost 2 hours late, and I could see how frightened he was when he finally arrived. The flurry of activity in his room, and all of the new people was exhausting. He was also injured upon arrival: the hospital must have been using a diaper at least two sizes two small, it looked like a bikini. He had cuts on his skin all along where the top of his leg meets his torso. The diaper was digging into him like a rubber band, it was awful. He cried when they tried to clean and soothe it with some cream. But the people were all very kind and patient. They told me to tell him I was going to the bathroom and sneak out. The good news is they want me back tomorrow, so I don't have to stay away. The RN dementia specialist told me that he needed to see me so he wouldn't feel abandoned. She may want me to cut back on visits next week but felt I should be there for the next few days. I am still a wreck and very worried with how his first night will be. They want to keep the door to his room closed, and I think that will be a problem. I guess we'll see. Thank you all for your kind words and support, this forum means the world to me!

Old Iowan

CC - Hugs, Best wishes and prayers are all I can offer - Like others have stated you're doing what's best for him and you!!

Jgirl57

I hope you are able to rest a bit and I hope your DH recovers well from the leg/torso injury.

Palmetto Peg

It is so hard to place our loved ones in a facility, but it is the right thing to do. No one can provide 24 hour care by themselves, and most MC units have activities for the residents, community meals, etc. I feel guilty EVERY SINGLE TIME I leave him, but I am also relieved to be able to sleep, take care of running a household, and just have some time to relax. It gets easier for me as he progresses, because he hardly seems to notice that I am there any more. Give yourself time to rest, and try to find something relaxing that you enjoy doing. We are here to listen and provide virtual hugs!

Sandi Roe

my friends husband had Lewy Body and she finally placyhim in MC. She felt so guilty but everyday she went, they watched tv, played games, she brought her support dog that he loved and the dog slept on the bed. She made it like his bedroom at home, it was sad and painful but everyday she got up, dressed up, and showed up. Then she could go home knowing she did the best for both of them. He eventually went on Hospice so they had extra care. Some friends criticized her for putting him there, no one walks in our shoes, no one gets to judge, you did good…Lewy Body is awful, hang in 🤩

Russinator

My heart aches for you. ((HUGS))